How to eat this Christmas season

By Don Rush

Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ. The idea of Christ, of humanity, of goodness is something that fills me with warmth. And, while I know it is not celebrated by everyone, and some for reasonable reasons cannot enjoy the holiday, Christmas really is my favorite holiday.
I think during the holiday season, I put on my see-life-through-sparkly-wonderfulness glasses which filters out crankiness and ill will. Go ahead, call me a sap, I cannot deny it.
With my glasses I see people smiling more. They are more friendly. I see people who tend to give more of themselves, for no other reason than it feels good to give. From that full feeling of warmth and goodness comes something else. Somewhere in between all the shopping and smiling and giving there comes a time to celebrate the season with the ones you love. And, along with all that celebrating comes good food.
Don’t ever short-change the importance of the holiday meal spread. So, eat, drink and be merry. Do not listen to all those folks who bah-humbug Christmas dinner as too caloric. Here are some tips for the Savvy Holiday Eater, from me to you. I have had these tips for some years now, so it’s probably time to share.

Go For The Gusto Holiday Eating Tips
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up!
Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread these tips. Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
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Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer and Yukon Cornelius

Useless holiday TV trivia: Why did miner Yukon Cornelius throw and lick his pick in the 1964 Rankin-Bass production of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? In a December 2017 blog post, Kaitlin Gates wrote a scene was removed from the orginial version which explained what the bearded prospector was looking for. His pick licking never made any sense. We thought he was looking for silver and gold, yet in the removed scene we discover he was really looking for Peppermint. In the scene, after licking his pick, he says, “Peppermint! What I’ve been searching for! I’ve found me a Peppermint mine….yahoooo!”
Holiday tips or useless holiday trivia? Send ‘em to DontRushDon@gmail.com

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