Life can be such a bummer

Much of what happens at home and around the world — commonly referred to as life — can be summed up in one word. Bummer. Which is not to say life is a bummer. Even when you are living a George Baileyesque wonderful life like me, bummer things happen — your car needs towing, your taxes keep going up, politicians keep opening their mouths (blah, blah, blah, blah) and then there are news reports of death and wars and bad weather.
(I will not delve into Iraq or the hurricane-hacked Florida. Too depressing).
So it is always with great pleasure I read stories that make me smile. Sometimes it’s amazing how irony can make life funny. Take for instance, the plight of the pure as the driven snow folks of Spaarnwoude.
For those of you not in the know, Spaarnwoude is a little hamlet about 12 and a half miles from Europe’s Number One red-light district, Amsterdam. And the fair and opened-minded Dutch here have a little problem. They are up to their tulips in (how do I put this delicately?) amorous couples publicly displaying their god-given, revved up hormones. Well past public kissing and even petting, couples of all shapes, sizes and genders have gotten into making whoopee in public reserves — parks. Getting au-naturel in nature, out in the open, for goodness sakes, has gotten the townsfolks? wooden shoes all in a bunch. Clickity-clack, clickity-clack.
The usually laid-back Dutch have gotten a little prudish. Clickity-clack, clickity-clack, clack, clack!
This is ironic, since not 13 miles down the road is the heart of European hedonism. Only 15 minutes away from Spaarnwoude, sex and stuff is publicly displayed in store windows. You want it, you got it in certain parts of the city. And, in coffee houses, workers just don’t throw hash, they smoke it too. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll is not just a term, it’s a way of life.
Clickity-clack, clickity-clack.
So it is interesting to note Spaarnwoudeians actually use their public parks for such things as walking their dogs and going for evening strolls with their children. All this bumping, grinding and moaning is okay 12 miles away, but locally it has spurred the town leaders into action.
Clickity-clack, clickity-clack, go the wooden shoes, because desperate times means drastic measures must be taken.
According to a Reuters report, the town is employing some hefty Highland heifers to graze in the public parks as a deterrent to the overly enthusiastic and amorous couples. Reuters quotes Mayor Ellen van Hoogdalem-Arkema as saying, ‘Visitors experience great annoyance from people having sex in public and apparently the presence of the cows turns the people off having sex.?
I guess a roll in the hay is one thing, but tumbling in a field of cow chips is all together a completely different thing.
The report further states, the park’s status as public land made the problem tricky to solve and urgent. ‘I just got off the phone with a man who was cycling in the area with his children, when suddenly two naked men came running across the road,? an exasperated van Hoogdalem-Arkema said with a sigh.
Bring in the cows! Clickity-clack, clickity-clack.
I know cows have been beasts of burden for years and years, but isn’t it cruel to make them watch naked, hairless monkeys doing the wild thing? I suppose it is okay to hope our bovine brothers and sisters will do the trick and stop the open sex antics, but I have to ask this: Wouldn’t it be easier just to beef up the police presence in the parks?
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