Of the Super Game and Valentine’s Day

By Don Rush

Yup. The Super Game is over. Tom Brady won his seventh National Football League championship ring. The commercials for the “big game” were too preachy. And, I sill wish they would play the game on a Saturday night versus Sundays.
‘Nuff said on SuperBowl 55.
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This week lovers of all stripes and sizes celebrate Valentine’s Day. Since I won’t be celebrating, I didn’t need to waste any time thinking about gifts, instead I can let my mind wander about different things like . . .
Did you know when the sun expands into a Red Giant as it gets ready to die, it will vaporize Earth. (Luckily for us, that’s still about seven billion years away.)
Until that time, all we have to worry about are the morons who paint their faces, wear Viking helmets and animal skins, then bust into the government buildings. Well, those guys and the politicians striving to divide, journalists who are actually partisan hacks, artificial intelligence, self-aware robots and ever-evolving primates (Have you seen the pictures of Orangutans spearing their fish? Can you say, “Planet of the Apes?”)
Oh, yeah. And, I worry about spiders, too. Not a fan of spiders.
If, however, you are inclined to really impress your sweetheart on Valentine’s Day, I offer you these tried and true secrets.

Romantic Interludes Out-of-Doors
It is the middle of February, but you and your loved one can still snuggle up next to the crackling fireplace, on that bearskin rug and dream of hot summer nights. And, if the conversation starts to wane, throw this into the mix.
“Honey, I love you . . . do you ever wonder about crickets chirping?”
If Honey says yes, you’re in! Impress Honey with this information. Crickets are sensitive to changes in air temperature, and chirp at faster rates as the temperature rises. It is possible to use the chirps of the male snowy tree cricket, common throughout the United States, to gauge temperature.
The formula for this is to count the number of chirps in 15 seconds and add 39 to calculate the temperature (degrees Fahrenheit.) If there are 30 chirps in 15 seconds, the temperature should be about 69 degrees F. This formula is said to be accurate within one degree. A variation is to count the chirps in 13 seconds, and add 40.
After your stirring conversation about crickets, you could start chirping about age.

Birthday Calendars Are Sexy
While birthday suits are sexy by nature’s design, laughter and good times are also found amorous. About a million years ago, Oxford electrician Bill Hyder sent me a link to a website that calculates stuff based on your birthday. Make your loved-one smile by going to the site before leading him or her to the bear-rug and instead of poetry, recite fun stuff about them.
For example, when I typed in my birthdate I found out this information:
“Don’s date of conception was on or about 4 May 1962, which was a Friday. You were born on a Friday under the astrological sign Aquarius. Your Life path number is 9.”
Anyone? Anyone know what is a life path number is?
I also learned the Julian calendar date of my birth is 2438054.5. My birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1963 and ending 1964. I was born in the Chinese year of the Wascally Wabbit. My Native American Zodiac sign is Otter; my plant is Fern. I was born in the Egyptian month of Parmuthy, the fourth month of the season of Poret (Emergence – Fertile soil).
There’s lots more stuff there, too!
My Fortune Cookie reads: “Love always and deeply.”
I went to the site this Monday (Feb 8) I found I was 1,831,624,790 seconds old, and by the time you read this, I will be a lot of seconds older. Guys, don’t share that information with your best gals, it’ll take the wind of your romantic sails.
The website address is: Names.org/birthdays
And to wrap up a stimulating evening of conversation you can bring up Mother Nature.

Insect sex
From an old MSNBC.com story I printed and saved, “Male-killing bacteria widespread in insects.”
“A germ that kills males triggers a vicious cycle of increasing female promiscuity and male sexual exhaustion in a species of butterfly, scientists report. Male-killing bacteria known as Wolbachia are extremely widespread in insects, found in more than one-fifth of species. The germs can turn males to females and cause infected females to reproduce without males.
“Scientists had assumed these bacteria would profoundly alter the natural mating patterns of their hosts, but only had scant evidence of what these changes would entail in the wild. The researchers expected the fewer male butterflies there were, the less sex females likely would have. Surprisingly, female promiscuity actually rose.
“Greater numbers of female partners leads to fatigue in males. They start producing smaller sperm packages . . . Unfortunately, the female butterflies instinctively know that the packages are smaller and that their chances of having been sufficiently impregnated after mating are lower than usual. This just makes them more rampant.”
One way or another men, our time on this planet is limited. So, now armed with all this info you can have a wonderful romantic time, anytime.
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Hmm? Still can’t figure out why I’m single?

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