Why I know Spring has Sprung and #MustacheMarch

By Don Rush

Robin, schrobin.
Crocus, schrocis.
Global warming or the tilt of the earth’s axis has changed Michigan’s weather so robins no longer fly south in the winter. They stay here all year, so seeing one isn’t the first sign of spring.
I haven’t seen my one and only crocus yet in my yard and yet I say spring is has relatively sprung! My harbingers have arrived and they portent a quick spring. Yes, of course you know what I am talking about: skunks are awake and are crossing the roads, getting schmushed and stinking to high heaven. That is the true sign spring is upon us. Last week I saw one splatted on Oakwood Road and another on M-15. RIP little dudes and thank you for your sacrifices and weather prognostications.
So, despite Russians ruining everything and nearly $4 per gallon gas prices, cheer up. Good weather is on the way. You can thank me now or later for the good news. Your call.
* * *
Thinking of spring next Monday is sure to be a winner since this weekend Daylight Savings Time begins. Spring Forward sounds so cheery and wonderful, yet it kinda’ sucks because we “lose” an hour of sleep. Whatever happened to the politicians who were gonna’ get rid of all this time manipulation?
More baseless promises out of the mouths of politicians. We do we always fall for those promises?
* * *
It’s March and we have already established it’s spring. That aside, I have been approached to once again wave the banner of masculinity; to show women that it’s our body, our choice. Reader Scott Seames outta’ Goodrich has pushed me hard to bring back, #MustacheMarch.
A few weeks before the world shut down for the pandemic (March 2020) I tongue-in-cheek suggested bring back the ‘stache for the month of March. It makes perfect sense to me. The timing is spot on as many men these days grow beards in the winter and shave them off before summer.
So, here we go. Come on, men. Join me. What follows is my proclamation of facial hair independence from 2020.
* * *
Nobody owns us. We are free men and if we wanna’ grow a mustache on our own faces we should not be shamed and shunned by our wives, daughters, mothers and others.
Upon growing facial hair on our upper lips, no more should we be humiliated verbal arrows slung with the intent to hurt our hearts. Women, we men have feelings, too.
No more, “You look creepy with a mustache.”
No more, “You look like a mafiosa with a mustache.”
No more, “You look like a 1970s porn star with a mustache.”

Nor should we be shut down with, “You look like a pedophile with a mustache.”
No more mustache shaming!
Enough of the madness! Let’s pry the shackles of radical feminism from our throats.
Our faces are our own. We have the right to them!
Do we shame the 30 and 40 and 50-year-old women in our lives who dye their hairs any and every color of the rainbow? No. Do we embarrass them for continually shopping at Forever 21? No.
(Do we want to honestly opine? Maybe, but we keep our hairless lips sealed and our thoughts to ourselves lest we hurt the ones we love.)
* * *
I know, some womenfolk didn’t heed the warning headline and are reading. Know this, we’re not talking about taking away all femininity has gained throughout the years. We’re not joining Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Froggy and Porky’s He Man’s Women Haters Club. We just want a little autonomy and the right to self-governance. Yes, I know we menfolk are fashionably challenged and do need your help matching tops to bottoms, socks and ties. It’s either genetic or maybe we just don’t care as much as we should, but when it comes to our outer garments please help. Just let us have our faces to ourselves. Wait, doesn’t plaid go with everything?
As Confuscious was reportedly to have said, “A man without a mustache is a man without a soul.”
We men do have souls and souls need tending.
So, shave your beards, grow your ‘stache, take a selfie post it online with the hashtag, #MustacheMarch.
Send your comments via email to DontRushDon@gmail.com

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