Brandon Twp.- All Aimee Alban really wants for Christmas this year is for her husband to come home. But knowing that is not possible, she just wants him to be safe.
She sits this early December morning in the kitchen of the home she grew up in, with 3-month-old daughter Gabriella in her arms and sons Gavin, 6, and Patrick, 3, by her side. Ryan, 8, is at school.
The children haven’t seen their dad, except via web-cam, for more than two months.
Paul Alban, a major in the U.S. Army, deployed to Baquba, Iraq, 30-40 miles north of Baghdad, the first week of October. At FOB Warhorse, Alban, a doctor, treats American and Iraqi soldiers, Iraqi children, and even insurgents with trauma injuries.
Meanwhile, at home, Aimee Alban is doing her best to mend broken hearts.
Gavin leans over the kitchen table, carefully gluing bells, glitter, candy canes and stars to a piece of paper. He says it is for his dad. But when Gavin is outside playing, Aimee shares that her son, who had celebrated his sixth birthday the day before, won’t talk to his dad when he calls. He is angry and is getting counseling. Aimee says he does draw pictures to send to his father, and did a storybook in his H.T. Burt kindergarten class about his dad and him.
‘He doesn’t understand the time frame,? says Aimee. ‘He’ll say, ‘Dad’s coming home after Christmas,? and I have to tell him, ‘No, honey, not for a long time.??
She recalls a recent day when Gavin and Ryan were talking about the best days of their lives. Ryan was talking about Christmas and birthdays, when Gavin interrupted. Aimee’s voice breaks and she pauses as tears fill her eyes remembering the conversation between her sons.
‘Gavin said, ‘No, no, the best day of my life will be when Dad comes home and never leaves again.??
Paul Alban had always wanted to serve his country, says Aimee, who began dating him when the two were attending Brandon High School. Paul graduated in 1989 and Aimee in 1991. They married in 1995 and son Ryan was born in 1998, followed by Gavin in 2000.
After Sept. 11, 2001, Paul Alban, who attended Wayne State University’s medical school for pediatrics, enlisted in the U.S. Army, with the understanding that his service wouldn’t begin until after he finished his residency at Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak.
‘It was a decision we both made to join,? says Aimee. ‘I had no idea what we were getting into. I don’t think he did, either.?
Paul Alban’s service began a year and a half ago and this past summer, he learned he would be deployed to Iraq, although the exact time was unknown. Then, in September, they learned he would fly out in one week. The Albans put most of their things into storage in Fort Hood, Texas, where they were stationed, and packed their children, which now also included Patrick, 3, and Gabriella, who was only a month-old, into their SUV and headed to Michigan, where Aimee and the kids are staying with her parents.
The night before he left Michigan, they had a special baptism service at St. Anne Church. There were tears all around as Father Bernie Mullen said a special prayer for Paul Alban.
The next day, the family said their goodbyes at Aimee’s parents? home before Paul went to the airport.
‘It was awful,? says Aimee. ‘Ryan laid on the couch and cried all day after. He’s probably handling it the best now, though.?
Aimee calls her husband a very hands-on father, a great husband and dad who played catch with his sons, threw footballs with them, and took them swimming. As a film buff, Paul Alban regularly watched movies with them and every night, he put them to bed, reading a story and saying prayers.
The kids probably miss their daily routine with him the most, says Aimee.
Before Paul left, Aimee videotaped him saying prayers and every night now, she plays it for her kids and they say prayers with him, to keep some of their routine.
In Iraq, Paul Alban has a camcorder and has recorded where he lives and everything around him, including his clinic and the housing unit he rooms in with a dentist, so the kids can see a little of what life is like for him right now.
Aimee says her husband loves what he is doing and tells her he is still proud to put on his uniform every morning.
An Iraqi orphanage is a short distance away, but Paul will not leave the base unless ordered to do so, because it requires a convoy.
‘He loves being a doctor, and it kills him to not go to the orphanage, but he won’t convoy? he has four kids and a wife at home.?
Aimee sends him a package every Monday with a dvd of the kids that he can pop into the computer.
‘His days are the same,? says Aimee. ‘He looks forward to the dvd every week. I try to do a lot with (taping) the baby since in that first year they change so much… This is our last baby and he’s missing all this time with her.?
Aimee said people have asked her if she’s crazy, having a baby, knowing her husband would be deployed. But she calls it the best decision of their lives.
‘She’s been my saving grace for sure,? she said. ‘She’s with me all the time.?
Overall, Aimee has been handling her husband’s absence pretty well. She is proud of him and the sacrifices he and others are making in the fight for freedom, but says this time of year is very difficult.
‘They say it really hits you 2-3 months after they are gone and it’s tougher because of the holidays,? she said. ‘The first couple months, I was doing OK. I thought, ‘I can do this,? and now I’m ready for him to come home.?
The Albans have been together over half of Aimee’s life. She has never gone this long without seeing Paul and she says he is the one person she can talk to about everything.
She is usually able to communicate with him every other day by instant messaging, but sometimes three, four, or five days will go by without talking with him. At the moment, she hasn’t talked with him in a week because of black-outs, when the Army forbids communication because of fear of leaks about recent military deaths.
Aimee says it is pretty quiet where Paul is, but Sunnis and Shiites are really battling.
‘We can’t even imagine how it is for them,? she says. ‘My kids are putting on snowsuits and my husband’s putting on a bullet-proof vest.?
Aimee is receiving support from family, not only from her parents, but Paul’s parents, who live in Lake Orion, and he also has several siblings in the area. She is also grateful for support from the community.
Aimee has sent her husband Christmas decorations, including a tree and ornaments, as well as a Lionel Richie Christmas cd (he’s a fan). She has sent him running shoes for his Christmas gift, candy canes, and chocolate-covered cherries.
He has told her for Thanksgiving they had turkey, but otherwise, it was like any other day.
‘The days run into each other and it doesn’t seem like the holidays,? she said. ‘Christmas will be like any other day for him.?
For her and the kids, she says Christmas will be OK. They will be busy.
‘I have to stay strong for the kids and know he’ll be home in a little over a year and our life will be normal,? says Aimee. ‘He’s optimistic he won’t go back… I have to hope they’ll bring him home soon.?
Ryan, now home from school, shows a white picture frame he bought at the Secret Santa Shop. It says, ‘I love my Dad.? He plans to put a picture in it and send it to his father.
‘I miss him,? says Ryan. ‘I miss playing with him. I tell him I miss him and love him.?
What will he do when he sees Dad again?
‘Hug him!? he says, smiling.
Aimee ends all her e-mails by telling Paul she loves him. She tells him to be selfish, because, she says, he is an unselfish person.
And, she always tells him to be safe? her Christmas wish.