Editor’s note: This is the first in a 2-part series on depression. Names have been changed in this story to protect identities.
Brandon Twp.- When depression descends over Isabelle, usually over the course of a couple days, she feels like she is sinking, slipping into a deep abyss.
The 50-year-old married mother of three children has trouble with simple tasks like grocery shopping and making appointments and loses her ability to make any decisions, even choosing what to cook.
‘It spirals into feeling worthless and sad,? says Isabelle, as she relaxes at her home on a sunny summer afternoon. Seated next to her is Peter, her husband of 20-plus years.
According to the Oakland County Community Mental Health Authority website, http://www.occmha.org/ir/mi/depression.htm, depression is a biologically based illness that affects behavior, thoughts and feelings. Depression is one of the most common mental disorders, affecting nearly everyone, either through personal experience or in a family member. Each year over 17 million American adults experience a period of clinical depression.
Isabelle has suffered from depression for more than 35 years, the root cause of which she says was her father’s suicide when she was 14.
Isabelle was unaware that her father suffered from depression, a result of his traumatic childhood. After his sudden, shocking death, Isabelle took over caring for her mother and sisters. She doesn’t recall ever falling apart because she was too busy taking caring care of everyone else and she didn’t talk about her dad’s suicide, noting that suicide had a very large stigma attached to it in the 1970s.
A few years later, she had some minor depression, but from college on, she had more serious depressive episodes.
‘I started to lose my ability to cope,? she remembers. ‘I couldn’t finish classes and I dropped out of college.?
She began working, but would periodically have a day or two when she couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed to go to work. A co-worker recognized the signs of depression and urged her to seek counseling. She saw numerous therapists, but didn’t always click with them.
Shortly after marrying Peter, Isabelle fell into the deepest depression she had ever experienced and it quickly escalated.
‘I had this great guy, a great home and we had good jobs and I thought, ‘How in the world can I be depressed again??? she recalled. ‘The depression was so bad that I thought I might have whatever hit my Dad. What saved me was to connect to the root cause.?
The new therapist Isabelle had delved into issues she had surrounding the death of her father, finally breaking into the source of her despondency.
‘Intense therapy helped, but after that many years of dealing with the cycle of depression, I had reactive depression? it kicked in to situations I felt overwhelmed by,? Isabelle said. ‘Circumstances in my life triggered the depression.?
Isabelle has continued to battle against depression, facing extremely difficult periods, including one about 15 years ago. She and Peter had a child who was stillborn and not long after, lost both of her grandmothers within six months of each other. Within a few months, Isabelle’s mother was diagnosed with a serious illness and died a year later.
‘It was the greatest source of loneliness,? she says now, eyes filling with tears. ‘That period exacerbated that my Dad left us… It leaves you in a place where you just feel shattered all the time. I have felt so depressed I have wondered how I would go on or shake out of it.?
Over the years, her depression was triggered maybe six times a year, lasting several weeks. During the past two years, Isabelle’s periods of depression have been severely aggravated by menopause. She has depressive episodes about twice a month, each lasting for several days, and crippling her to the point where she moves slowly through the day’s activities, feeling a weight hanging on her heart and shoulders. Isabelle, who has been an active volunteer, describes it as a sense of being overwhelmed.
‘We’re really committed, but it’s frustrating sometimes to support someone with depression,? Peter said. ‘It’s hard to understand. It’s good to plan things where it’s not going to be overwhelming for her. I’ve gotten to where I say, ‘Are you sure you want to do that?? I try to help her so she doesn’t take on too much.?
Recently, Isabelle has found her depression triggered by the economy. She is overwhelmed by escalating gas and grocery prices and, with one child in college, the cost of higher education. And always, there is for her a sense of loneliness. Although she has a husband and children she loves, she acutely feels the lack of extended family.
After two or three days in a state of depression, Isabelle’s intellect kicks in and she seeks what she needs to bring herself up out of it? often inspirational reading or exercise. She tried medication once, but didn’t like how it felt and hasn’t seen a therapist in five years.
‘I’m tired of going over everything again,? she said. ‘I get through with my faith, surrounding myself with the people I love and who love me. I read things that remind me how to knock depression out.?
Most important for someone who is depressed, she said, is having someone to talk to? it can be a doctor, pastor, best friend or spouse. She is a proponent of talk therapy.
When not suffering from depression, Isabelle says she is a happy, invincible person, whom nothing bothers and everything is conquerable, doable.
‘I always hope to beat the depression,? Isabelle said. ‘I hope first to have a month or months without depression. In my dreams, I hope to have a year without it and distantly, I hope to beat it… I’d like to be free of depression, but I don’t fear it. Understanding it helps me deal with it better. Once you know the source, you can confront it and deal with it and accept whatever happened, then there are more tools for coping with it.?