Half of all marriages end in divorce in the United States.
Divorce, often complicated to begin with, becomes more so when children are involved, says Judith Margerum, a licensed psychologist and associate director of the Michigan Family Institute in Southfield.
She hopes to help parents deal with issues of divorce and resulting effects on kids when she gives a two-hour, two-part workshop ‘Raising Children as a Single Parent,? and ‘Healthy Divorce’Healthy Children? at 7 p.m., May 12 at the Brandon Township Public Library, 304 South St. The seminar is presented by Brandon Groveland Youth Assistance. A $5 donation is requested at the door.
‘I’ll be talking to parents about how to make your divorce work for kids so they can be healthy and happy,? Margerum said. ‘Divorce is a very difficult time for families. It’s like a death. The death of what you thought your family would be.?
Margerum plans to give tips to parents so they can help their children stay out of the middle of disputes between their parents. The tips will be concrete because, she says, emotionally distressed people need structure and answers.
The seminar is geared toward people who are going through a divorce or are thinking about it, but Margerum notes that even people who have been divorced for a few years can benefit, because many people still deal with the after-effects for years afterward.
‘I do what I can to help people at the beginning so it’s not a mess in five or ten years,? Margerum said. ‘If parents don’t resolve the issues with each other, they will see problems later on with their child behaviorally and emotionally. Teens will act out and with little kids it’s fears and crying.?
To avoid problems, Margerum has several recommendations including:
n Don’t criticize or speak negatively about your ex-spouse to your children.
n Don’t communicate with your ex-spouse through your children.
n Don’t allow children to have power they shouldn’t have, or make decisions such as living arrangements.
n Parents should separate their emotional reaction to the other parent from decisions they make in regards to their child.
Margerum emphasizes keeping as many routines as possible, while also letting children know things will change. She says it’s important for single parents to build a social network and ask for help.
‘You’ll need to be consistent. Prioritize. Have fewer rules, but follow through on the ones you have,? she said. ‘Develop new family rituals for the new family. Spend individual time with the child on a regular basis so they know they’re the most important perosn in your life.?
For more information on the seminar, call (248) 627-6445.