Goodrich- When Goodrich High School junior Dylan Foglio ended his own life on June 6, 2008, his aunt believes he left his family and friends pain and suffering that he couldn’t have imagined.
‘If he would have known what he has put the family through, I don’t know that he would have done that,? said Andrea White of her nephew’s suicide. ‘We had disbelief, and then absolute anger and that hollow feeling, it always feels like there is something missing. Unfortunately, everyone blames themselves. ‘If? is the largest word in the vocabulary? if only I would have done this, if only this would have happened. Your heart aches, wondering why.?
White, the sister of Dylan’s father, dedicated the months after Dylan’s death to working on benefits and fundraisers for the prevention of suicide. The work became a coping mechanism for her. Meanwhile, Dylan’s parents and three younger siblings attended counseling, which White said was helpful, although extremely difficult in the beginning, because in order to talk, they had to be able to not cry constantly.
Last November, many of Dylan’s family members, including White, attended the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s National Survivors of Suicide Day, a community event that the Goodrich United Methodist Church hosted locally.
This year, GUMC will sponsor the annual event again, at 1 p.m., Nov. 21, at the church located at 8071 S. State Road. During the program, which the AFSP said brings together thousands of survivors of suicide loss, to share in a day of healing and empowerment. A video conference will feature an all-new panel of speakers with new topics on suicide prevention and survivors of suicide. The program is free and everyone is welcome.
Joanne Harpel, director of survivor initiatives for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, said the National Survivors of Suicide Day was created 11 years ago by Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, whose father died by suicide. The day for survivors is always the Saturday before Thanksgiving, recognizing that the holidays are a particularly difficult time for people grieving the loss of a loved one. This year, Harpel said, Goodrich will be one of 200 participating communities worldwide. Every conference site will watch the same 90-minute dvd at the same time, with survivors of suicide telling what helped them cope, mental health professionals sharing what is known about suicide, and resources for survivors.
‘For many survivors of suicide, it is a very lonely experience, because most people don’t talk about it openly,? said Harpel. ‘When you lose a loved one to suicide it is lonely and alienating… For many people, suicide is still very stigmatized and not well understood by the average person who hasn’t been through it.?
Harpel has been through it. Her younger brother, Stephen, took his own life in 1993 when he was 26. What has been helpful for her is realizing his suicide was a result of his bipolar disorder.
She notes that most survivors of suicide loss spend a lot of time trying to understand why their loved one took their own life. More than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have some underlying psychiatric illness, she said, including depression, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or schizophrenia.
‘Suicide isn’t anyone’s fault,? Harpel said. ‘People who die of suicide die of an illness.?
Signs to watch for in a potentially suicidal person include changes in behavior, such as eating more or less than usual, sleeping more or less, withdrawal or loss of interest in regular activities.
‘Looking back (after his death), we saw a lot of symptoms,? White said of Dylan.
‘Loss of interest in activities, feelings of inadequacy. He talked about committing suicide before to his friends, and they kept it secret, a secret they shouldn’t be keeping. They never thought he would carry it out. No one wanted to believe it… Don’t keep that secret. Tell someone.?
Harpel said it is not dangerous to ask someone if they are feeling suicidal, as it will not influence them.
‘It’s safe to say, ‘I’m worried about you, are you thinking of hurting yourself???
Asking those questions is so much easier than trying to heal from the devastation of losing that person to suicide.
A year and a half after Dylan’s death, White said the family is doing better.
‘We’re just now getting to the point where we can talk about Dylan and not have it be a taboo subject,? she said. ‘Always before, we were afraid to say his name and have the pain come flooding back.?
To learn more about National Survivors of Suicide Day, visit www.afsp.org or contact Ashley Eddy at 810-636-2444 for more details on the GUMC program.