There’s a great exchange from an old television program, in which two partners are reflecting on the events of the day. One expressed his desire to escape the mental stress.
“I think it would be a lot easier just to be stupid,” he said.
“Oh, the old ignorance is bliss thing,” his partner replied.
The first man responded, “No, I think it would be a lot easier just to be stupid.”
How about the classic exchange in which one person says, “I think the two biggest problems in the world are ignorance and apathy.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” his friend replied, “and I really couldn’t care less.”
These conversations are not ha-ha funny, but they are ironic in these days. While we live in an era of improved mass communications, we seem to have lost something in the area of personal communication and understanding.
Parents have trouble communicating with their children. Spouses have trouble communicating with each other. Neighbors ask for new ordinances or file lawsuits before trying to work out problems with each other.
Even professional communications organizations (I have worked for several) have communication problems within their ranks. It would be interesting to learn who created the metaphor, “on the same page.”
Then comes issues such as those we now face with the war with Iraq. Even with the benefits of past history and current technology, we still seem to have problems with understanding the realities of life.
For example, what’s all the controversy about the war “not going as well as expected?” Can anyone document a press conference in which a Pentagon official predicted the Iraq conflict to be a tv mini-series?
No, officials were careful and explicit about the potential of a long, tough conflict. On the other hand, many military strategists say the progress of coalition forces exceeds that of previous campaigns.
And how about these financial traders? Granted, the name should have been changed to the New York Paranoid Stock Exchange years ago, but the joy-one-day-and-gloom-the-next roller coaster rivals that of any amusement park.
Then there are the war protesters.
The issue is not that there would be public opposition to war (the First Amendment applies to all), but it’s difficult to understand the double standard. It’s wrong for the United States and other nations to engage in war, but it’s OK for Saddam Hussein and others to engage in terrorism both within and without their own country?
Further, because the cause is peace, it’s OK to disrupt the peace (e.g. lying down in the streets of New York City) to promote the cause of peace? Right.
While there are complicated issues, there are some clear standards of right and wrong. There can be healthy debate about those standards, but if people aren’t willing to listen and comprehend (or if we demand it all in CNN sound bites with on-screen graphics), we’ll have even more problems.
With or without Saddam Hussein.

From the new government in Iraq to advertisements for ‘new and improved? cleaning products, we have a natural attraction to new things.
It’s fascinating to see what the latest technology has made possible, whether in home improvement, entertainment and even media.
Spring, of course, brings a new season, with new flowers, new leaves on the trees, etc., etc. Indeed, the Easter holiday (replete with bunnies and eggs) is derived from a pagan fertility festival which, to be fair, has aspects to celebrate ‘new life.?
So, we scramble to buy new clothes, get a new shine on the car and perhaps think of all the new things we need to buy for those home and yard projects (some of us try to forget that part).
Why, then, would some people try to bring in old, outdated religious beliefs?
That’s a good question, but it can be countered with a better one:
When are more people going to discover the ‘new? message of Jesus Christ?
Yeah, everybody knows the story of Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. To many it’s a moving (perhaps even tragic) story of a good man who died a martyr’s death. The fact that the body went missing from the tomb is supposed to be a message of hope, but it seems rather vague.
But it’s a nice story, so we go through the routine of the holiday, with church services, a special dinner and perhaps a few too many jelly beans. The day after Easter, however, is a return to the same routine.
It brings to mind that popular song from a few years ago: ‘If that’s all there is?? But it’s not.
Lots of people, ‘religious? and otherwise, have missed the point. The message of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is not a touchy-feely panacea for the feeble-minded. Nor does it require people to be trapped in the straitjacket of tedious tradition and pompous piety.
The Bible promises something new and fresh for those bold enough to encounter Christ on His terms:
‘I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full? (John 10:10, NIV).
‘Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!? (II Corinthians 5:17, NIV).
Sadly, too many people are caught in the old mental/spiritual trap of misconceptions about Christ.
Too many see him as a wimpy pacifist, even though he became forceful when dealing with the moneychangers in the temple and spoke quite a bit about a place called hell. Too many call him a ‘good teacher,? even though his claims to deity caused the religious leaders of the day to accuse him of blasphemy.
(In examining the full scope of Christ’s teaching, more than one scholar has noted that He could be one of only three things: a deluded lunatic, a malicious liar or Almighty God in human form.)
The challenge is to forget the presuppositions and learn the real story about the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and how He can have real impact on our lives (now and for eternity).
This spring, learn something new, and meet Someone new?

It’s spring, when a young man’s fancy turns to?
Well, we know about young men. For some of us middle-aged guys, however, it’s time for yard work.
It would be interesting to research whether the sale of liniment rises proportionally with the sale of fertilizers and lawn and garden tools. I’d be glad to be one of the spokespeople.
The script would be something like, ‘Hi! I spend most of my time sitting in front of my computer, or sitting at government meetings or sitting in my car on my way to and from meetings. Every so often, however, I have the naive and foolish idea to try to do real manual labor. That’s when I. . .?
While the wife has more lofty goals (and more success) with flowers, plants and other landscaping, I would be happy just to get some kind of consistent green on the lawn without paying an arm and a leg to a commercial lawn service.
Our neighborhood was built in what is probably typical fashion nowadays, with bulldozers taking away all the topsoil, followed by building (and seeding) on a bed of Michigan clay (the Latin for which, I believe, is ‘concretus muckus?).
Jerry Baker I’m not, but I have attempted to learn so-called ‘earth friendly? methods of caring for our property. We have a compost pile in operation for the garden (but it doesn’t produce enough for the entire lawn), and I use a mulching mower on the lawn, attempting to follow the ‘cut it high and let it lie? philosophy.
We’ve also tried some other organic items, attempting to feed the soil, not just the grass
These are not quick fixes, by the way, and it leads one to wonder. If these methods and products are so much better than modem chemicals, why is there not more aggressive marketing and promotion of said methods and products?
My dedication to the task does have limits, and not just those based on being overweight and out of shape. Ever budget conscious, I’m not one to water the lawn every other day. Along with the farmers, I pray for well-timed rain. Therefore, last summer’s drought hurt us more than expected.
Time is also an issue for some of us, especially when work assignments tend to come all over the clock and calendar. Others have the same challenge, of course, which is probably part of the reason lawn care and landscaping businesses have grown significantly in recent years.
And who hasn’t planned to use a weekend (or a long weekend such as this past Memorial Day weekend) to accomplish such tasks, only to have inclement weather keep us inside watching the weeds grow?
Sore muscles notwithstanding, there’s something special about observing the fruits of one’s own labor, and in time I hope to see more evidence of photosynthesis outside my front and back doors.
Just be patient as I try to keep the moans and groans to a minimum.
After all, I haven’t even mentioned the list of repairs, cleaning, painting, etc., etc.

One of the joys of working for a newspaper is working with other people who work for newspapers.
Among the benefits (aside from having people with whom we can commiserate over the problems unique to our trade) are the conversation and thoughts stimulated from each other’s writing.
Case in point this week is Jennifer Nemer’s column last week. My young colleague offered a great piece of social commentary on how we could offer even more conveniences for “a lazier society.”
Several of the points were well taken (I’ve always wondered about that nine-minute snooze button), but there’s a piece missing from the jigsaw puzzle called American culture.
Not only are we lazy, we’re also cheap.
For example, once upon a time we had full-service gasoline stations. Contrary to the opinion voiced by a colleague at the Oxford printing plant, I was not alive to witness the real-life scene from the “Back to the Future” film, in which six neatly-uniformed attendants rushed out to service every car. Some of us, however, remember having at least one person to whom to say those immortal words, “Fill ’er up!”
What happened? Somebody started offering a lower price for gasoline if one pumped the fuel oneself. The concept was based on cost savings to the employer (hiring fewer attendants) being passed on to the customer. (Today’s high self-serve gasoline prices is a topic for a separate discussion.)
Drive-through groceries? Well, once upon a time all markets were “full-service.” The customer went up to the counter (OK, it wasn’t “drive-through”) with a list and the clerk obtained the needed goods. The advent of the “supermarket” (now, itself, an antiquated term) allowed more variety of choice, but fewer employees to help the customer.
Indeed, some markets used to have home delivery as a matter of routine. Today, it is the rare store that has an employee help load the groceries into your car.
I once worked next door to an old-fashioned hardware store in which you couldn’t get three feet inside the door before a smiling face greeted you and took you directly to the merchandise you needed. Great people, great service, but you paid for it.
Now, I hate to admit, I tend to patronize the “big box” stores if I need a major tool or appliance. From time to time, my wife even shops at one of those grocery stores where you take your own bags and do your own bagging. Budget constraints have made it necessary to look for bargains, and the success of those enterprises is based on people’s desire to spend less money, even if it means sacrificing service and quality.
It’s really very simple — we want what we want, we want it now, we want it cheap and we want it from people who are willing to give it to us that way.
The question to be asked is: What happens when we’re on the other side of the counter? In our jobs, how many of us are willing to produce the highest quality possible in the least amount of time possible with the most effort possible to please the customer at the lowest pay possible?
If only we could do it all with remote control…

‘By the dawn’s early light??
Well, it wasn’t that early, but you had to get up relatively early to reserve a good spot on Main Street to watch Clarkston’s Independence Day parade.
With all due respect to the parade participants (who put on a fine march), it’s almost more fun to watch the people in the crowd on such a festive occasion. Stars and stripes’red, white and blue’flags waving’it was great.
The rookie still doesn’t know all the ins and outs of the parade organization, but if there were prizes there has to be a new category: best effort to cool down a crowd on a hot day. If there were any major objections to waters hoses and super squirt guns, we didn’t hear them. (Had to be careful of the camera, though?)
Wonder how much free ice cream was given out? Hope there’s a good business write-off for the generous folks who provided that service.
It was good to see respect for the American flag and the national anthem, but it’s apparent that a lot of guys never learned the etiquette of removing their hat for the salute to the flag. Perhaps our friendly veterans organizations will help promote that more next year.
Those in the parade itself may have been caught a bit off guard with the road construction on Waldon; hope there weren’t too many trips and bumps along the way.
As mentioned in a previous column, your humble reporter is an out-of-practice cornet player, and the marching band is always a personal favorite. Anybody who doesn’t appreciate the physical ability to coordinate left and right feet, while marching in a straight line, while remembering where they are in the music, while trying not to pass out from the heat, etc., should try it just once.
It seems to be a challenge to most small towns in getting more music in parades. Have we offered invitations to marching bands from neighboring communities? Just wondering. Credit to the small church band in the pickup truck, by the way. That was a welcome addition.
A more enterprising investigative reporter would probably care enough to find out, but did the guys from the Clarkston Union pull a permit from the health department to serve all that fresh fruit with a chainsaw?
The parade was only half the fun, of course. Clintonwood Park was the place to be for the afternoon (except for that brief time when the sky was falling; my clothes are still drying out).
Let’s hear it for all the people who worked so hard at serving up the fun! The energy of the young parks and recreation workers was matched only by the energy of the senior citizens at the food tent. The kids, again, provided much of the entertainment for some of us older folks.
There was a lot of action in the arts and crafts area. Lots of creativity, skill and even humor.
One booth displayed a sign: ‘Everything in this booth was made in White Lake, not China.?
Fireworks fans, of course, were not disappointed, and it all came together for a great way to celebrate our nation’s birthday. Unfortunately, we have to wonder how many people really thought about that throughout the day, but at least we count our blessings knowing we have the freedom to have that kind of party!

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter:
One of the pleasant things about covering government meetings is dealing with people who can be pleasant themselves.
There’s nothing wrong with healthy disagreements, of course, but a bit of good humor helps in the long run.
John Koval, a new trustee on the Clarkston Community Schools Board of Education, started his tenure in just such a spirit.
Koval has been a regular attender of school board meetings. After being sworn in, he took his seat at the board table and said with a tone of awe in his voice, “This is different.”
Later, during the assignment of one of several representative positions, Koval admitted his ignorance by asking the veterans, “Is this something I want to be on?”
* * *
Sometimes the humor can have an edge, and that’s fine, too.
Independence Township Treasurer James Wenger, after receiving assurances of a “conservative” cost estimate for the proposed Holcomb Road paving project, told Road Commission For Oakland County representative Tom Blust, “It’s a good thing you’re not in sales.”
* * *
Hope everyone is surviving road construction season (that was written with a smile).
There’s no scientific evidence for this (the only baseline is the roads traveled by your humble reporter), but it seems there is more road construction this year than in recent years.
Most agree that it is needed, and we wish all the roads could be improved (and maintained) to provide a smooth ride everywhere.
To every silver lining comes a cloud, however, and we voice sympathy in advance to residents of newly-improved roads (Holcomb Road inside the city limits, for example), who will have to endure the inevitable leadfoots who won’t be able to resist a nice, smooth stretch of asphalt.
* * *
We’ll do the local followup in due course, but the big budget agreement in Lansing reportedly includes a provision for all sixth grade students to be provided either a laptop or a handheld computer.
A little while back, technology chief Matt McCarty told the Clarkston school board of the advantages of having all students equipped with the hand held devices. Interactive problem solving and tests could be coordinated through the school server, he said, and education would be enhanced.
If and when this happens, one wonders who will be the first to say, “Sorry, teacher, but the dog ate my Palm Pilot.”
* * *
You look for smiles whereever you can find them. On my desk is “The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar,” filled with allegedly real sayings and/or writings from fields such as politics, sports, advertising and just plain life.
Some I’ve saved include, “I can assure you that I definitely might take action” (from British Home Secretary William Whitelaw), “Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1” (from sportscaster Jerry Coleman) and “‘This budget leakage is something that’s got to stop,’ said the President, with what seemed to be more than a trace of irrigation in his voice” (from the Jackson, Miss. State Times).

It’s hard to avoid cliches when offering condolences to someone who has lost a loved one.
It’s also hard when you’re feeling the pain yourself.
It’s been a rough year in several respects, not the least being I’ve lost two friends in recent months. Steve had a heart attack at work in March of this year. Married and a father of four, he left a hole not only in his family, but in our church as well.
Steve was a peer. About the same age, and from somewhat similar backgrounds, we related well, and had good conversations. His sudden death was the proverbial kick in the head.
Within the past few days, Cheryl lost a long battle against cancer. She and her husband, Jeff, were part of our church for many years. They moved to Ohio a few years back because of work, but both their extended families are here. Parents, a brother, inlaws and assorted cousins are all among our friends.
Cheryl’s death was not unexpected. We had regular updates on her progress (or lack thereof), and it led some of us to pray for a quick death as a second choice to complete healing.
These incidents are filed in the brain cells with the sudden death of two younger sisters at the hands of a drunk driver (that story for another day) and the passing of both parents several years ago.
Because each of the above knew Jesus Christ as Savior, we know each has won the final victory. And we rejoice in the comfort promised by God in times of pain and grief.
Nothing in the Bible promises it will be an easy journey, however. We have questions. We have tears.
At least we should. It has become painfully evident that we take life too much for granted. Further, we seem to be too flippant about death.
Sure, a lot of focus has centered on continued fatalities in Iraq, and there’s legitimate discussion as to whether it is a relatively low body count. The news media also give us up-to-the-nanosecond updates on the grisly murder-du-jour.
Some of us, however, have learned a new appreciation for the obituaries in the community newspaper. They don’t have the “lead” value of the above-mentioned incidents, but each has the same impact — or more — to loved ones somewhere.
And what about major lifetakers we take for granted? Car crashes (since most are avoidable, I don’t call them accidents) still account for more deaths than war. The primary cause of AIDS is still behavior, and too many of us still think a balanced diet is a Big Mac in one hand and large fries in the other.
A newspaper column, usually, is meant to inform, persuade and/or entertain. This one, sorry to say, is of the more selfish category — venting.
No, perhaps it is meant to be persuasive, at least to myself. If it helps someone else, all the better. The primary point applies to us all, and perhaps the reminder is needed.
Life is precious. Never forget it.

Given the complexity of the technology and the intense training of the spinmeisters, it is no surprise that it will take time before anyone takes real responsibility for the Blackout of 2003.
Being encumbered with neither an engineering degree nor a public relations salary, your humble reporter has launched — and completed — an indepth investigation sure to impress the Pulitzer judges.
Frankly, it was not that difficult. The powers of observation are invaluable to a good journalist, of course, but the list of suspects became readily apparent within only a few hours of the big power outage.
We actually had a speedy confession. Young Charity Hulderman told The Clarkston News she would take the blame because she wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to go to work that evening.
We promised not to turn her in to the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Besides, she seemed much too nice to be guilty of such a heinous crime.
No, other entities deserved closer scrutiny. For example, did anyone notice a series of radio ads from Sears in the days before the blackout? The spots promoted the availability of emergency generators and the technicians who could install them!
Sears must have paid for the spots well in advance, because they seemed to continue throughout the crisis and were still on the air as of the writing of this column.
Granted, my consumption of television is well below that of the average American, but I didn’t notice those advertisements on the tv. They were frequent, however, on…
Radio! The medium which, because of folks with battery-powered receivers, became instantly more important than television during the crisis. Further, daily newspapers were hampered in their efforts because of lack of juice to power the presses.
Many radio stations just happened to have their emergency generators in place, and one radio personality boasted, “We finally get to use some of this Y2K stuff!”
What a coincidence! Radio has many engineering types among their ilk. Who knows what magic they were able to work over the now infamous “grid.”
Not to be ignored are the bottled water companies. It is not out of the realm of credulity to think of executives, not satisfied with their already magnetic hold on consumers with a product readily available from most kitchen faucets, plotting a way to enlarge their market.
Have you ever read the list of ingredients on some bottled water? Yes, bottled water has an ingredient label, and it’s amazing that some brands add salt to their water. Exhibit A for promoting more consumption?
Well, all of the above entities need not fear prosecution, because we’ve saved the most likely suspect for last. A person so sinister, so malicious and so heartless that it boggles the mind.
Kyle Gargaro, editor of The Clarkston News, deserves the most suspicion and, based on the evidence, deserves only most superficial form of due process.
Consider: Mr. Gargaro’s wedding was Saturday, Aug. 23. In the Grand Rapids area, well out of the area affected by the power outage.
Mr. Gargaro left the offices of The Clarkston News for his travel to the Grand Rapids area at about noon Thursday, Aug. 14, with plenty of time to leave town before the blackout occurred.
Mr. Gargaro was not scheduled to return to work until Thursday, Aug. 21, well after the production of the Wednesday, Aug. 20 edition of The Clarkston News, leaving his already overworked, underpaid staff to investigate, write, edit, layout and pasteup the news concerning the blackout and all the other things going on in the area.
Alas, we fear there will be no justice in this scenario. We must welcome Kyle back to the fold, congratulating him on his marriage and wishing him and his bride a happy life.
Besides, we know he has his own explanation for the blackout.
He will blame it on Canada.

In September 2002, I was among those who eagerly anticipated the commemoration of the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington. While a few said it was unnecessary or, even worse, harmful to the victimized families, most of the nation seemed to need the opportunity for further mourning, reflection and rededication.
Approaching September 2003, I was among those hoping for minimal mention of the event. At this point, I thought, it would be more manipulation than meaning.
Then, while flipping channels on the tv last week, I saw one of the film clips of a jet flying into the World Trade Center.
It was like seeing it for the first time.
The sight of the second jet slicing into the tower like a hot knife through butter — and knowing it was not a Hollywood special effect — sent chills down my spine and numerous thoughts through my brain.
A lot of people talk about where they were when the attack took place. A more interesting topic of conversation is, “How did you feel?” We newspeople asked that question a lot, but many of us did not soon have opportunity to answer it for ourselves.
Perhaps that’s one reason why I welcome the look back. In being exposed to newspaper and broadcast coverage of the second anniversary, it brought to mind the benefits of reliving the nightmare.
Benefits? Absolutely.
We need to relive the shock that showed we can still be shocked in a society where “shocking” things are now considered all too routine.
We need to relive the horror of innocent lives being lost, so we can better appreciate the value of life.
We need to relive the outrage against injustice so we can rekindle our dedication to the persuit of justice.
We need to relive the sense of helplessness that sends us running for divine comfort, strength, guidance and, yes, even forgiveness.
We need to relive the national rush of adrenaline that pulls us together to forget petty squabbles, put priorities in order and solve problems.
We need not remain in the past, however. Indeed, we need to recognize the impact of Sept.11, 2001 on the present.
While sometimes more of an excuse than a cause, the events of that day have affected many of our jobs and our daily routines. We are not frequent flyers, but my wife recently had opportunity for a trip via airline; it was our first exposure to the new security procedures that affect many businesspeople on a daily basis.
While the goal is for us to maintain our freedoms and our way of life, there is new scrutiny motivated by the pursuit of known and potential terrorists. This is a good thing, and whatever inconveniences we suffer pale in comparison to security measures in other countries (and let’s face it, we still have far more conveniences than most).
Is there overkill in the remembrances? Absolutely, and several media outlets share a lot of the guilt. A former colleague once called extra-large front page type as “second coming of Christ” headlines, and some newspapers will have no type available when Christ does return.
The feelings and emotions are real, however, even for those who had no loved ones lost in New York, Washington or Pennsylvania. It is legitimate to let those feelings out.
One radio news anchor referred to the World Trade Center as a “crime scene,” and that is accurate. The events of Sept. 11, 2001 do not qualify as an accident, and some say the word tragedy is mistaken.
It was a crime, an attack, an atrocity, a horror and a cowardly strike against civilization. Let us add it to the list of events we will never forget.

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter…

A little while back, the marquee at Davisburg Elementary School displayed this message:
“Bad reports are good reports in the making.”
Sounds like some realistic positive thinking, much better than, “No news is good news.”
* * *
As if they didn’t already have plenty of reason to be embarrassed, the people of California should now be insulted.
The court decision to delay the gubernatorial recall election because of the alleged unfairness of punch card ballots is ludicrous.
It says, in effect, that people are too stupid to figure out how to follow that quarter-inch from the candidate’s name to the hole in the card. It’s the same argument used in the Florida presidential election, in which some people failed to read directions and/or failed to ask for help.
I and many fellow voters used punch card ballots in Genesee County for more than 10 years and never experienced any confusion.
The only challenge comes when one has to hold one’s nose while voting in some races, and that will not likely change, regardless of the technology used to cast the vote.
* * *
Have you voted for your favorite M&Ms tv commercial? There are so many to choose from, but they’re offering the vote at www.mms.com.
My favorite is still the one where they offer the hotel guest a chocolate on his pillow. . .
* * *
Isn’t it funny that, with all the serious problems we face as a society, some of us find great entertainment in broadcast commercials?
* * *
Everyone has their own set of construction war stories. Your humble reporter is no different.
Taking the wife to work each morning is always a challenge, but one learns to get used to the construction routine.
Except when they change the lane shift without warning. It happened last week on I-69, and threw all us commuters into an almost literal tailspin.
Meanwhile, with total selfish motivation and on behalf of all of us at The Clarkston News, when will the Washington Street paving be finished? That jolt when hitting the parking lot apron makes me think a trip to the repair shop may be imminent.
* * *
To close, more recent offerings from “The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar” include:
“Please remove wet bathing suits before entering store” (sign on a front door in Richmond, Va.).
“Last night’s homer was Willie Stargell’s 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500” (San Diego Padres sportscaster Jerry Coleman, who seems to crop up frequently in this calendar).
“With [more than] 50 cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn’t likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market for itself” (commentary in Business Week magazine, 1968).

A recent study conducted by the National Institute of Terrific Writers Investigating Truth has revealed a serious threat to public health.
It is a danger that must be publicized, scrutinized, sanitized and Simonized before more people get hurt.
We all know how tedious government documents can be, and only a minority of the population has studied enough to even bother with scientific writings.
Imagine the pain when the two combine.
The most recent excursion into this dangerous category came when your humble reporter wanted to check out the potential danger from roofing tar fumes at North Sashabaw Elementary School.
We always look for authoritative sources, so we called the Oakland County Health Division. They responded quickly with a thick stack of documents from various environmental health sources.
While fortunate to have some experience with occupational safety issues from a former job in public safety, I nonetheless do not place Material Data Safety Sheets and other such documents at the top of the recreational reading list.
As a dedicated founding member of NITWIT, however, I persevered.
It’s unthinkable that researchers would deliberately try to confuse people (maybe it just comes naturally), but there are at least couple places where one does not know what to believe.
For example, one MSDS reads, “A study conducted by the National Toxicology Program shows that lifetime exposure of rats and mice to 750 ppm (parts per million) concentrations of ethylbenzene resulted in increases of certain cancers.”
Whoa! Red flag! Keep that stuff away from me!
But wait. What follows is, “The study does not address relevance to humans.”
One weird example? Hardly. In the same packet comes an MSDS for oxidized asphalt. Here comes the warning:
“Based on a 2000 review of health effects literature, the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health concluded that roofing asphalt fumes are a potential occupational carcinogen.” (Translation: Fumes may cause cancer.)
Comes the very next sentence: “Studies of workers exposed to asphalt fumes have not established an association between asphalt fumes and cancer or other lung diseases in man.”
Did we read these sentences correctly? The first sentence appears to establish the risk, while the next disputes the risk!
Of course, some of this comes back to the time-dishonored practice of pretending lab rats have the same anatomy as humans. Some of us old-timers remember the artificial sweetener cyclamates, banned by the government because of the number of mice who became cancer victims.
Some time later we read that, in order to ingest the proportional amount of the horribly dangerous substance, a human would have to drink something like a case of soda every day for about 70 years straight.
Well, the search for scientific truth continues, and we must pursue it despite the health risks.
Perhaps there should be a Material Safety Data Sheet for government-commissioned scientific documents, such as:
“WARNING: Excessive reading of these documents are likely to cause dizziness, fatigue, nausea and/or headache. If symptoms persist, cease exposure immediate. Recommended antidotes include Dr. Seuss books and cereal boxes.”

It looked like a mutant hamburger bun. Or a giant waffle iron. Especially when it began to close around me.
It was the new “open” magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) machine in Flint, and coincidence allowed me to be among its first clients.
It’s an “old football injury,” about a year old to be exact. Taking pictures at a high school football game in my previous job, I didn’t get out of the way fast enough as the play spilled over the sideline.
A couple football players in full pads hit the side of my left knee, which had no pads. The pain (excruciating, thank you) eventually diminished but has never gone away, and full range of motion has yet to return. Conventional x-rays have not helped the doctors deal with it, so came the referral to the MRI center.
The “old” MRI is a tunnel sort of thing, not conducive to patients with claustrophobia or those of us who fit into the “at large” category.
So came the marvel of the “open” MRI machine. The procedure has apparently become so popular (and profitable?) that the place operates from 6 a.m. to midnight. My appointment was at 10:30 p.m., but a hospital emergency caused the scheduled to be backed up.
Eventually, after removing all the metal from my person, I was directed into the large room with the large hamburger bun. After lying on a hard-surface bed (more on this in a moment), the technician locked the aforementioned knee in a solid plastic harness.
Even with this device in place, I was directed to remain motionless during the procedure, which I was told would take about 40 minutes.
Forty minutes? This had not been previously explained. Apparently modern miracles of science are not as instantaneous as we would like to think.
A couple things raced through my mind, but the technician at least clarified one. Because I went into the machine only about half way (feeling somewhat like a piece of bacon hanging out of the cheeseburger), I could move my hands and scratch my nose in between “images.”
(It’s amazing how you don’t think about scratching your nose until someone tells you you may scratch your nose. . .)
Anyway, there was a digital readout giving a countdown to the end of each image cycle, just above the large “GE” logo that surely was placed there for marketing purposes in case a patient wanted to purchase their own MRI machine.
The other detail was the aforementioned hard-surface bed. I’ve been on such things for short examinations, x-rays and the like, but the predictable pain from being in an extended time of proneness was not fun.
In an attempt to redirect attention from the pain, I enjoyed analyzing the MRI device. There were no visible moving parts (other than the bed, which moved a couple times during the procedure), but some fascinating sounds.
Before each imaging cycle, there were a number of ratchet-type clicks, not unlike what one hears when the roller coaster cars are pulled to the top just before the big ride begins.
During the imaging came a series of loud, low-register tones reminiscent of some of the spacecraft alarms in “2001: A Space Odyssey.” Even with the earplugs provided, the noise was a perfect companion to the hard bed for preventing napping (which would have been nice, considering the hour).
At the end of the procedure, the technician said I “did very well.”
I was tempted to ask how many patients (after lying on the hard bed, hearing the loud noises and counting down to the time until they could scratch their noses), lost all control and screamed to be released from the giant hamburger bun.
I resisted the urge. Greeting what had become the new day, I left the building grateful for the wonders of medical technology and for medical coverage to help pay for it. We’ll see if the results are worth it.

Sometimes the hyperbole can get pretty lame. People can get a scratch and claim it to be arterial bleeding. When we hear so many “the sky is falling” proclamations, it’s easy to turn a deaf ear.
This is one of those times when it’s not an exaggeration: The institution of marriage and the traditional family are under attack, and it’s time to stage a strong, coordinated defense.
That’s the consensus of those who have organized Marriage Protection Week, Oct. 12-18. It’s an attempt to mobilize people to join the cultural and political fight.
The threats to the traditional family structure have been incremental, and some of the damage has already been done.
For example, let’s have a quick show of hands? How many reading this column have gone through the pain of divorce? Are children of divorced parents? Are friends or relatives of those who have been divorced?
A few years ago came a news story about a student organizing a school support group for children with parents still married to each other. Despite the multigenerational trauma caused by divorce, it has become accepted as “normal” in our society.
The next “logical” step was for some to claim no need for both a father and a mother in the home. That led to the acceptance of single people adopting children, and the combination of science and capitalism is making it possible and profitable for women to bear children not only outside of wedlock (which used to be a shame itself) but also outside of any contact with a father.
The latest phenomenon has generated the most press. Judges-who-want-to-be-legislators are gradually paving the way for same-sex “marriage.” In addition to the U.S. Supreme Court ruling overturning the Texas sodomy law, supreme courts in various states are threatening to give their legal blessing to same-sex unions.
“The courts are treating marriage as if it were a Mr. Potato Head where individual preferences govern its makeup,” said Tony Perkins, president of the Familly Research Council, one of the organizations promoting Marriage Protection Week.
Granted, many of us on this bandwagon come from a conviction that God ordained marriage before he ordained government or even the church. There are moral standards to be defended here, the contemporary misconception of “tolerance” notwithstanding.
Even beyond this beliefs, both the history of civilization and modern research have shown the benefits of stable homes led by a mother and a father committed to each other. A good number of what most people still consider to be “social ills,” meanwhile, are blamed on the lack of such a stable home.
There are a couple things concerned citizens can do. The first is to lobby in the political arena. The Family Research Council is asking every state and federal lawmaker to sign a “Marriage Protection Pledge” (find more info at www.frc.org), and there is a proposal for Marriage Protection Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (find more info at www.grassfire.net).
Radical proposals? Yes, actions which should be unnecessary in what has historically been a moral culture, but reality shows how desperate is the fight.
The second area of action is perhaps more important. Sad to say, too many people have too little exposure to doing it the right way. Those of us are married should work as hard as we can to protect and strengthen our marriages, leading the culture by example.
The lack of action, some of us fear, will lead to the loss of benefits provided to civilization by healthy marriage and family relationships.

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter…

We First Amendment types are active in defending our right to complain, but we should also take time for praise when it’s warranted.
In that spirit, we offer sincere thanks to those who worked so hard on the Washington Street paving project (and the accompanying water and sewer work under the street).
There’s nothing quite like driving on brand new asphalt, or coming into the parking lot without the huge shock at the concrete apron.
• • •
Governor Jennifer Granholm has scrapped the project which proposed laptop computers for sixth graders.
The governor’s stated reason was the state of the state’s budget. It’s a valid reason, and the governor is to be commended for her almost conservative attitude concerning the budget (and that wasn’t meant as a putdown).
She could have earned some additional political points if she had publicly admitted the burden of additional costs placed on local school districts.
As faithful readers of The Clarkston News already know, other media outlets have erred in describing the program as “giving” laptops to students.
• • •
The government promise syndrome is coupled with the public’s short attention span when it comes to the war in Iraq.
Some random observations:
• Why are some people expressing such shock at the continued fighting over there? Everyone in a position of authority said from the beginning it would be a long conflict.
• How many of the currently complaining politicians voted in favor of the American military involvement, with full knowledge that everyone in authority said from the beginning it would be a long conflict.
• Of those in the international community who have complained of the lack of opportunity to participate in the rebuilding of Iraq, how many walked away from the recent conference asking for money to do just that?
• Of those complaining that we have been in Iraq too long, how many have staged protests against our ongoing military presence in places like Kosovo (where the original promise however many years ago was all the troops would be home by Christmas)?
• • •
Someday, this column will have to share some stories from ancient history (mine, at least) concerning people protesting development at township board and planning commission meetings. Regardless of the community, history seems to repeat itself on a regular basis…
For now, a simple word of advice for everyone in the market for a new home: If your new home of choice includes view of a nice vacant lot or beautiful woods, be sure to check the legal zoning of that neighboring land before you sign on the bottom line.
• • •
From the 355 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar: courtesy of the Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch’s “Wacky Warning Label Contest,” comes this warning label on a bathroom heater:
“This product is not to be used in bathrooms.”

It’s been a rotten year.
During 2003, my wife and I mourned the deaths of four special people in our small church family. We have some dear friends who are facing Christmas without their loved ones, and we are missing some good friends.
My uncle died a couple weeks ago, leaving his wife of 50 years to face Christmas alone.
About three months ago, my mother-in-law suffered a stroke. She is now in a nursing home, paralyzed on one side of her body and unable to speak. My father-in-law (who has health problems of his own), has found it difficult to function in her absence.
Earlier this year, someone stole my camera equipment from my car. It was a good outfit, but so old it was not worth reporting to the insurance company.
After about of year of pain from an ‘old football injury? (i.e. taking pictures for a newspaper at a football game), I finally underwent knee surgery a few weeks ago. While definitely grateful for the relief of the previous pain, the recovery pain has been no picnic.
And let’s not even go into all the car problems which have left my wife and myself either stranded, broke or both too many times this year.
Add the various personal and professional setbacks about which it would be inappropriate to cover in this space, and I feel like I have plenty of reason to despair.
(The only problem is, I feel guilty because of those whose lot in life is a lot worse than mine.) Any way you look at it, it was a rotten year.
However?
Contrary to the culture, I don’t measure ‘good? and ‘bad? according to money, power, prestige or even health. While it’s not always easy, I’m learning to set my sights on a higher standard, one which has eternity’s values in view.
Our church Christmas musical this year was entitled, ‘A Thrill of Hope.? The creators of this work referred to many of the things that can bring us down at Christmas ? death of loved ones, broken relationships, etc. ? and they even referred to national tragedies such as Sept. 11, 2001 and the Columbia shuttle.
While there is recognition of suffering and disappointment, there is joy when people discover the real promise in the Christmas story. Or, more accurately, in the Christ of Christmas.
It’s interesting how many times the word ‘hope? is used in the Bible. And it’s a different definition than we’re used to. Not a wishful thing, like, ‘I hope it doesn’t rain.? There is a sense of confidence in our expectation.
‘Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ’And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God? (Romans 5:1-2, NIV).
Rather than despair in human trials and disappointments (which will always be present in this life), we can use this special season of the year to look at the big picture, a picture which must include more than the manger.
The birth of Christ was followed by the perfect life of Christ, which was followed by the sacrificial death of Christ to pay the penalty for our sins. That was followed by the resurrection of Christ, which demonstrated ultimate victory over death and made it possible for us to enjoy real, full, eternal life.
So, whatever that end-of-year holiday letter may include, those who know Christ are able to follow the encouragement to, ‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer? (Romans 12:12, NIV).
Because of Christ, I can say that 2003 was a good year, and there are more to come.

At this writing, the furor over Janet Jackson’s flash of flesh at Super Bowl XXXVIII is still in full boil.
(Some thought the Grammy Awards would supersede the Super Bowl, but apparently most everyone behaved themselves.)
There’s a problem with at least some of the Hollywood hand-wringing. It is the failure to recognize how we got to this point. Why are we shocked that some believe indecent exposure can be a legitimate part of a prime time, family-marketed entertainment event broadcast on the public airwaves?
Put more simply, one bare breast is not the fundamental problem.
For example, would there have been outrage over the MTV-produced halftime show had Jackson remained fully-clothed? There should be, based on the lyrics of the songs and the dress and dance moves of the performers. (One commentator well suggested the practice of watching such performances with closed-captioning on to get the full meaning.)
Even if there had been outrage over other aspects of the hormone-laden performance, some would defend it based on the acceptance of such ‘entertainment? in other venues, including multiple channels which also go into people’s living rooms.
(Please note, the Federal Communications Commission only has authority over public broadcast frequencies, but the public marketplace holds sway even over the private cable industry.)
The unfortunate truth is, too many have tolerated too much of a decline in standards in too many instances for too long a time. There was no ‘wardrobe malfunction? on Super Bowl Sunday, but there was a morality malfunction.
Let’s bring it closer to home. A colleague at another community newspaper recently related a complaint from some readers over a photograph of high school cheerleaders. The photograph was deemed by some to be too immodest for publication.
Even without seeing the photograph, it was easy to sympathize with the protesting readers. But is the photograph the primary issue? How many parents or other citizens have protested the costumes worn by some squads, the moves some of them perform and the music to which they perform.
We’re not picking on the young people here, but let’s remember that Justin Timberlake and other exhibitionist pop stars were once members of the Mickey Mouse Club?
Such protests are likely to be viewed as Victorian and prudish. Others will use a misinterpretation of the First Amendment to defend the so-called ‘freedom of expression? (which, like ‘separation of church and state,? does not appear in the Constitution).
These protests are valid, based on the time- and court-honored principle of community standards, and it is good to hear of people standing up for principles of modesty and good taste. We need more to join the cause, because those on the other end will continue to seek ways to push the moral envelope.
In this office we sometimes have conversation about the difficulty of ‘putting the toothpaste back in the tube.? It can be difficult, but it’s also worth the effort.

Two general rules have provided good guidance when it comes to motion pictures.
The first: never trust the accuracy of a film purporting to tell the story of a historical event. At best, commercial films almost always have a sense of artistic (if not political) interpretation. At worst, too many in our culture think Oliver Stone and Michael Moore are historians.
The second: if the film is based on a book, the book is usually better. Hollywood rarely includes all the details of character development or plot exposition, and some films go so far as to change almost everything except the title.
This does not mean the movies do not have merit in the realm of entertainment, and perhaps enlightenment. Nonetheless, the wise viewer must also be cautious.
These rules also likely apply to ‘The Passion of the Christ,? scheduled to be released this week. Mel Gibson purports to have offered (at his own expense) a depiction of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ more accurate than the sanitized versions seen on big and small screens over the years.
Gibson claims only to be a filmmaker, not a theologian, and plenty of folks have offered criticism in both categories. As an unashamed, born-again Christian, your humble reporter comes from a unique perspective as both a believer and a healthy skeptic.
First, let’s throw out the anti-Semitic charges. The one biblical incident from which has come incorrect interpretation has been deleted from the film, and those seeking to place ‘blame? for the crucifixion of Christ have missed the point (stay tuned for more on that).
Second, let’s deal with some people’s tendency to overanalyze every detail based on who’s spin is in play.
A recent Newsweek cover story did a fairly good job of describing the history of the time, but it implied conspiracy on the part of the gospel writers in emphasizing the role of the temple leadership and downplaying the role of the Romans. Apparently the author saw little evidence of political spin in the actions of one of the Roman Empire’s most skilled politicians, Pontius Pilate.
To be fair, Christianity Today magazine (which is openly evangelical) also covered some alleged errors in the film. One scene I’ll watch for reportedly has Satan appearing to Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, an apparent mixup of two distinct biblical events.
So, it’s not a perfect film, which brings us back to an earlier point.
People are concerned about anti-Semitism, but so many of the criticisms of Gibson’s project smack of anti-Christianity. Note the lack of denial of the historicity of Christ’s crucifixion. The criticism tends to focus on how many people will be ‘offended? if the story is told again.
People preach tolerance of everything but the Gospel. Indeed, the problem seems to be not so much in how the crucifixion is depicted as much as it is in the audacity to document it at all.
Why is this? Because the issue of what happened must be followed by a discussion of why it happened.
The accurate view of ‘who killed Jesus? is everyone and no one. The biblical narrative clearly shows the crucifixion as being God’s plan in response to mankind’s sin. The film may well paint a gory story, but it was an act of voluntary love by the Messiah.
For that and the rest of the story, please take time to read a good translation of the Bible, because the book is always better than the movie.

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter…

Warning to everyone who is thinking spring: I never breathe easy about the spring season until the Detroit Tigers have at least two games snowed out. . .
* * *
There’s a running gag of sorts going on at Springfield Township Board meetings.
Whenever the question arises concerning who will perform a particular research task or special project, one or more trustees will say, ‘the sign committee.?
* * *
If you haven’t been at township board meetings, the above will probably not seem humorous.
* * *
More hypocrisy on the ‘freedom? front:
Judge Roy Moore lost his job because he defied another court’s opinion concerning the display of the Ten Commandments.
San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsome is being hailed as a bold leader, meanwhile, for defying duly-adopted legislation and sanctioning the marriage of homosexuals.
* * *
We saw ‘The Passion of the Christ? last Friday evening, and it’s pleasant to report that last week’s preview analysis was fairly accurate.
The violence was about the level expected (although there are some biological aspects of crucifixion that could have been included and were not). The level of artistic film expression was higher than expected, as was the content of Christ’s pre-crucifixion teaching.
Any negative criticism (and there is some) pales in comparison with the overall impact of the film.
Go see it.
* * *
Kudos to Cub Scout Pack 126 for staging their ‘snow snake? race (the photo was in last week’s edition of The Clarkston News).
As a former Scout, I was a faithful participant in the Pinewood Derby, but the exercise of carving and painting a snake from a 4-foot long piece of 2 x 3-inch wood was (forgive the pun) news to me.
We understand there was a bit of nervousness on the part of the race organizers because of the February thaw, but winter wasn’t finished yet. (See the first paragraph.)
* * *
Nobody bought one for me for Christmas, so I waited until they were 40 percent off (i.e. late January) and bought my own copy of ‘The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar? for 2004.
Some early favorites are:
‘That’s not a lie. It’s a terminological inexactitude? (Alexander Haig).
‘On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared? (from a medical chart in a South African hospital).
‘A stray bullet killed one bystander slightly? (from a story in the Maryville Forum, Maryville, Mo.).
‘Reporter (after the New Orleans Saints had lost): ‘What do you think of the refs?? Saints General Manager Jim Finks: ‘I’m not allowed to comment on lousy officiating.??

In reviewing past editions of The Clarkston News for our 75th anniversary edition, I was reminded that reporters used to be anonymous. No bylines, no column headers’the news appeared with no indication of who wrote it.
Indeed, there is still a general principle of remaining detached from the news, and avoiding use of the dreadful first person while writing.
I wonder if that made it easier for reporters in the old days to say goodbye to their community?
This week I’m scheduled to move to a new position, as editor of a weekly newspaper just up the road in Davison. (It’s actually an ‘old? position, but the story is too long to go into here?)
While the move will be a good one, there are mixed emotions.
Over the past two years, I’ve met lots of great people in the Clarkston community. I’ve had the privilege of working with and writing about some very special people.
While this is not a perfect community (I’ve had plenty of opportunity to write about that, too), I have never been exposed to a place where volunteer energy and spirit excels like Clarkston. Many communities struggle to have one good festival a year. This place seems to have a major parade, party, concert or all-of-the-above every other month!
Local government has problems everywhere, but I am grateful for the openness and cooperation demonstrated by most Clarkston area officials. When I get back to Genesee County, I will note how the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office allows relatively free access to incident reports (at least to reporters who show themselves trustworthy), and I will brag to others about how members of the Springfield Township Board are able to disagree (sometimes sharply) without being disagreeable.
To be fair (and I mention this out of sincere concern for this community), there are some things I will not miss. All the good things Clarkston has to offer tends to be offset by an unattractive attitude of pretentiousness and pomposity on the part of some people. Whether intentional or not, some noses tend to be just a little too high in this community.
Even some of my spiritual brothers and sisters need to be careful. In promoting righteousness, one must not lead with a self-righteous attitude?
Reporters come and go (especially at this level of newspaperdom), and I apologize to those on my regular beats who must now deal with a new nosy newsperson. Please be patient; this newspaper has good leadership, and there has been a concerted effort to find people with a good attitude and a commitment to be the best.
Besides, part of what makes this community great is the consistent service of a true, local hometown newspaper, regardless of the bylines. I’m glad I’m going to another one, and I’m glad to have gained unique experiences from serving with this one.
Thank you to my coworkers and sources, and thank you, readers, for your support.
I’m not going far, so I hope to make occasional return appearances in Clarkston from time to time, perhaps for the July 4 parade, a concert in the park or a sandwich at Rudy’s Market.
I’ll just have to figure out the best way to get around the construction on M-15?

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter?

Between high gas prices and all the road construction zones, this might be a good summer for all of us to plan vacations in our back yards…
* * *
If we wanted to lodge a great protest in this community, we could adopt a new marketing slogan like: ‘Clarkston ? You Can’t Get Here From There.?
* * *
To be fair, we learned last week that there is one lane open in each direction on the Sashabaw Road bridge over I-75.
Does that count as progress?
* * *
After this past weekend (and the police reports therefrom), I’m not sure I want to go back on the roads.
Was it really that difficult to remember how to drive in snow?
* * *
Sometimes it’s hard, even for us experts, to figure out government structure. For example, while we traditionally refer to police and fire ‘departments,? we have learned that Sheriff Michael Bouchard prefers ‘Oakland County Sheriff’s Office.?
So, next time you see the six-pointed star on a patrol vehicle responding to a call, we can point and say, ‘Look! There goes the sheriff’s office!?
In an even-longer running quandary, can anyone advise why it’s the Oakland County Health ‘Division??
* * *
Let’s all remember to vote in the new ‘municipal? election next Tuesday. Then let’s all remember to pray during the National Day of Prayer the following Thursday.
I didn’t mean for that to read in a bad way?
* * *
Speaking of religion (which I love to do)?
For the record, I am not a Roman Catholic, and I have significant disagreements with Roman Catholic theology and tradition.
That said, I’m annoyed with many of my media brothers and sisters for repeated references to Pope Benedict XVI as a ‘hard-liner.?
Some would argue that better words would be ‘faithful? or ‘consistent? in his church’s doctrine?
* * *
Meanwhile, I’d love to have someone give me one authentic quote, legislative proposal or executive order to prove that people in the Religious Right are attempting to create a ‘theocracy.?
And remember, as a professional wordsmith and amateur theologian, I know what the word really means?
* * *
Do you believe in miracles? A photo in last week’s edition of The Clarkston News proves it!
Yes, that was your humble reporter doing manual labor in our news department office!
After helping with only some of the work, I have plenty of sore muscles as a reminder. I’m glad 75th anniversaries come only’well, you know?

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly neighborhood reporter?

More and more studies (not to mention Scripture) have mentioned that humor is great for relieving stress and enhancing mental health.
That is especially true in this business, and it seems also to be true for people even in local government.
That’s why it’s great to quote examples of good humor among the people we cover here at The Clarkston News. We’re sure they don’t say these things in order to be quoted. Indeed, they may prefer not to be quoted in such contexts.
None of the following, however, said ‘off the record? before offering the following gems:
? Clarkston City Councilman Dan Colombo has gained a reputation for quotable quips. This column previously credited him with the idea of wristbands for downtown business people and patrons during the upcoming you-can’t-get-there-from-here road construction season.
More recently, the council heard about problems with DPW Director Bob Pursley’s city-issued vehicle, to which Colombo replied, ‘I hear there’s a red Navigator available.?
? During a discussion at a Springfield Township Board meeting, a trustee apologized to Supervisor Collin Walls for interrupting him.
‘Don’t apologize,? Walls said with a wry smile. ‘You agreed with me.?
? Local public safety people tend to develop a unique sense of humor, and sometimes it’s even fit for publication in a family newspaper.
Mike Carolin, an Oakland County Sheriff’s Deputy working out of the Springfield substation, is another favorite. One of his favorite pieces of advice during inclement weather is, ‘Be sure to drive real fast so you get off the roads quicker.?
Deputy Carolin provided the basic narrative to the recent incident which felled the traffic signals on M-15 at I-75. After explaining that a vehicle ran off the road, hitting the post which supported the signals, he mused, ‘I think there’s an ordinance against that.?
? An attorney who we choose not to identify made the following comment during a break in recent trial proceedings at Oakland County Circuit Court.
‘Let the perjury begin.?

* * *
Sometimes the humor is more ironic that laugh-out-loud funny.
We’ve been following the story of new lake improvement board laws and how local governments are dealing with the practical impact. There’s a new story stemming from reaction to our coverage of a recent Springfield Township Board meeting and comments on the function of the Waumegah Lake Board (some of which we have also covered).
We want to cover the news, not make it. On the other hand, we won’t hide from the attention. We smile while noting that, throughout our coverage, no one on any side of the issue has complained of inaccurate reporting.
* * *
The Spiritual Matters column is covered this week, so please allow this quick note.
Some of us will be laughing with pure joy at the opportunity to celebrate Resurrection Sunday in just a few days!

Some reporters would take the ultimate hard news approach:
‘Activity night fails; organizers devastated.?
Others would go only for the absolute positive spin:
‘Activity night deemed unqualified success; no one turned away.?
The truth is somewhere in the middle.
The free activity night at Sashabaw Middle School, hosted by Independence Township Parks and Recreation on Feb. 17, drew a total of two families.
One of those families is represented in a photo feature on page 3B of our Millstream. The other arrived after your humble reporter had to leave the event.
Those who were there appeared to enjoy the activities, offered as part of an emphasis to ‘Teach, Learn and Share a Skill? during the month-long kickoff of the community initiative entitled, ‘Each One Reach One’Connecting For a Better Community.? The kids enjoyed learning about archery, karate and scrapbooking, and there was plenty of information on other local parks and rec activities.
The event was promoted through Clarkston Community Schools, in the various e-mail broadsides going around town and, of course, right here in your hometown community newspaper.
Why was turnout so low? Granted, there was a bit of a snow squall in the area, but nothing horrible. Did the event get lost in the schedule of many other school, church, service club and family activities?
No one knows for sure, but organizers are trying to keep their perspective. Jennifer Arkwright, one of those active in promoting the initiative, stressed that the event was simply part of the promotion, not a new program in and of itself.
‘It isn’t about creating new programs,? Arkwright said. ‘There are already excellent programs out there.?
The Clarkston Coalition For Youth and partner organizations have done a great job promoting the initiative over the past few weeks, but we continue to find folks who are completely unaware of the campaign. They don’t read The Clarkston News, they don’t see literature from schools’we even found a pedestrian in downtown Clarkston who had not noticed the banners on the light posts.
The key to this campaign is action rather than fluffy words (that’s one reason we like it), and we hope everyone will pay attention to the publicity. Arkwright recognizes this as an ongoing effort with an emphasis on individual involvement, however.
‘We realize this is a slow process and a growing process. If you can reach just a few of these people, they can connect with other people.?

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter…

The Dec. 1 chain reaction crash on I-75 near Sashabaw Road was a big story.
In general, however, crashes on I-75 near Sashabaw Road ? and near Dixie Highway, M-15 and Clintonville Road ? are not really ‘news.?
On the one hand, it is legitimate to seek engineering solutions to improve safety. On the other hand, there is no way to eliminate all true ‘accidents.?
Readers will note, by the way, that some of us prefer the term ‘crash? over ‘accident,? since the vast majority of such incidents have a human cause?
* * *
Indeed, Lt. Dale LaBair, commander of the Independence Township sheriff substation, is concerned about those doing so many other things while driving.
He believes the number of crashes would be significantly reduced if more people would drive with both knees?
* * *
A bystander at the domino crash was a Good Samaritan who works as a paramedic in one of the Detroit suburbs.
He had high praise for the state troopers, county deputies, firefighters and EMS personnel who worked the crash. He said it was obvious they were prepared and knew what they were doing.
We couldn’t help note that they’ve had a lot of practice along that stretch of road?
* * *
Maybe we need more signs such as one in Malaysia which, according to ‘The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar,? says ‘CAUTION: Water on road during rain.?
* * *
Some folks know your humble reporter is one of those evil commuters from the north.
After learning of MDOT’s plans to rebuild the M-15 bridge over I-75, I advised our editor that I won’t be able to make it in to work next summer.
She didn’t buy it?
* * *
I guess that means I’ll have to line up for one of the wristbands suggested by Clarkston City Councilman David Savage?
* * *
Some say there is a discrepancy between reports of ‘moral values? being a motivating factor for many voters and high ratings for television shows which promote anything but.
While there is plenty of hypocrisy, some of us believe it’s faulty to assume that said voters and Nielson households are the same audience…
* * *
With due respect to those of different persuasions, and with gratitude that same First Amendment which guarantees freedom of the press also guarantees freedom of religion, I’d like to offer sincere wishes for a Merry CHRISTmas to all.
* * *
I’d also like to apologize to those offended by the disclaimers?

At first glance, it smacks of so many simplistic, touchy-feely phrases created for a society which appears to live and die by sound-bite philosophy.
‘I’d like to teach the world to sing.? ‘Just say no.? ‘It takes a village.? Some of us have seen so many slogan-based initiatives that new ones draw more of a yawn than a cheer.
That said, please allow your humble reporter to publicly applaud plans to promote ‘Clarkston’Connecting for a Better Community.?
The ‘community message? was introduced at the Nov. 6 leadership forum hosted by the Clarkston Coalition for Youth. The formal campaign will begin in January 2005.
What is exciting is not necessarily the slogan itself, but the substance behind it. We’ve previously reported on the work of the coalition, which is more behind the scenes than public. There are a couple specific reasons to be impressed with their efforts.
First, rather than trying to reinvent the wheel with new programs, the coalition attempts to bring together people who are already doing positive things for youth. They recognize the role played by schools, churches, service groups, law enforcement and businesses in reinforcing parents? efforts to teach values to children.
Second, there is a strong emphasis on positive values, based on a framework developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute. They call it ?40 developmental assets kids need to succeed.?
This is where the substance backs up the sound-bite. Under eight classifications are 40 specific relationships, experiences and personal qualities deemed crucial to positive development.
The list is too long to include in its entirety, but here are some high points:
n ‘Family support.? It’s refreshing to see this number one on the list, given some of the alternative structures (or the lack of same) in our culture.
n ‘Community values youth.? Another tired cliche is ‘Children are our future.? Too many forget they are part of the real-live, right-now present.
n ‘Boundaries and Expectations.? This is one of the eight categories, with six specific points promoting an ancient concept called standards of behavior.
n ‘Religious community? is included under the category of ‘constructive use of time.? Wow.
n ‘Positive values.? This is another broad category, in which are included caring, equality and social justice, integrity, honesty, responsibility and restraint. Wow again.
While over-simplistic slogans are one extreme, a list of 40 ‘assets? may seem overwhelming. Who among us can claim the ability to promote them all?
That’s the beauty of the community approach. Some may promote more ‘assets? than others, but everyone has the ability to be an example in some areas. The yarn web exercise at the leadership forum was a great demonstration of the desired goal.
The Search Institute research claims young people, on average, experience only 18 of the 40 assets. While our community may be better than some, we have plenty of evidence to show the need for improvement.
Watch for more information on this campaign, and let’s get ready to ‘connect.?

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter?

What is it with Waterford politicians?
Once again, campaign signs for Waterford hopefuls have been placed in Independence Township, including a couple on Dixie Highway near M-15.
If we’re not careful, a judge will rule that votes cast for Waterford candidatesiin Independence Township will have to be counted.
* * *
Did we just hear Independence Twp. Clerk Joan McCrary scream?
* * *
We should not tolerate attempts to ‘suppress? anyone’s vote. At some point, however, voters must take responsibility for being informed and following directions.
There was no room for sympathy in 2000 for those who couldn’t follow the quarter-inch from the arrow to the punch hole.
There is now no room for sympathy for someone who can’t read a voter registration card, pick up a newspaper, call the clerk’s office or ask someone to find out the proper voting location.
* * *
Speaking of alleged discrimination:
While discrimination based on factors such as race is absolutely wrong, it is important to note that we practice ‘discrimination? all the time.
For example, in hiring reporters for this newspaper, be assured the editor and publisher will discriminate based on a candidate’s ability to read and write the English language.
We discriminate based on age in determining who is qualified to vote. We discriminate against convicted felons in denying them the right to vote.
Most companies will show discrimination against employees who steal by turning them into ex-employees. Even public schools discriminate by denying some the right to be students if they violate school codes.
Discrimination based on behavior can be both acceptable and desirable in a moral society.
* * *
Discrimination may be the wrong word, but there seems to be a lot of emotional prejudice toward people with opposing views.
In several recent conversations, a discussion of political preferences brought blunt accusations, stereotypical and simplistic conclusions and counters to viewpoints I never expressed.
* * *
As if we needed one more illustration of how close the presidential election could be:
A costume supplier recently reported that sales of George W. Bush masksiare outselling John Kerry masks. They claim this measuring stick has successfully predicted every recent presidential election.
A poll conducted by the Nickelodeon cable channel, meanwhile, says more kids voted for Kerry than Bush. They claim their poll has been accurate for every recent presidential election.
* * *
With all of the above, it was refreshing last week to be exposed to some hope for America.
The Clarkston High School advanced placement government class appears to have produced some bright, energetic, committed young citizens who have learned how to be passionate for a cause (or a candidate)iwhile maintaining an open mind and civility toward those with opposing views.
May this become the model for the future.

It was 20 years ago last week.
It was a fairly typical ceremony, not unlike many which have taken place (and still do today). Because it was fairly typical, some would question the excitement over the whole thing.
It was your humble reporter’s wedding ceremony, the anniversary of which is something about which we are, indeed, very excited.
Wife Nancy and I are not celebrating 20 years of perfect marriage. It has not been all bliss, and there is nothing extraordinary about either of us to deserve a best-selling book or made-for-tv-movie.
What is exciting is the joy that has come as a result of our taking the commitment seriously, based on God’s revelation concerning marriage and His faithfulness through the years.
Upon learning of our engagement, one of my former college professors congratulated me with the observation that I was a perfect example of why God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone.? That quote from the book of Genesis was cause for a good laugh, but it is also a good reminder of God’s game plan.
Some people struggle to learn the cosmic significance of their relationships. We have struggled with many things over the years, but never with whether we made the right decision 20 years ago.
Even before we decided to marry, we had an understanding of the divine origin of the institution.
‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh? (Genesis 2:24, NIV). This Scripture is also quoted by Jesus Christ in the New Testament, and there is lots of great guidance for married couples throughout the Bible.
Many forget that God ordained the family before he ordained human government or even the church. Throughout history, whether or not acknowledging God as the ordainer, civilization has adopted the same understanding of this most basic of institutions.
For our wedding ceremony, we took additional inspiration from counsel given to the church and applied it specifically to ourselves:
‘If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose? (Philippians 2:1-2, NIV).
We knew then, and have been convinced many times since, of the importance of this commitment. It is more important than feelings of ‘love? (especially as today’s culture defines it), more important than physical attraction, more important than material blessings or what the world would call ‘success.?
That, we believe, is why God has blessed our marriage and that is why we boldly offer our marriage as an example to others. Not because we are perfect, but because God is faithful.
It has not always been easy, but it has been easier because we had the proper understanding of the institution from the beginning.
Because we have worked so hard to nurture this commitment, we have felt pain when some (even Christians) have failed to keep their vows, or when others have rebelled against God’s standards by ignoring the institution or trying to redefine it to fit their own preferences.
As frustrating as that can be, we find ourselves even more committed to staying committed (to our Lord and to each other), and in the process find ourselves celebrating our marriage even more with each passing year.
We’ve only made it 20 years; we offer admiration and congratulations to those who have even more years to their credit.
God has done a great work in and through those folks, also. It speaks well for the institution He created way back in the Garden of Eden.

Local resident Violet Waid calls herself “very patriotic.” She also has an interest in helping people remember history.
She visited the offices of The Clarkston News recently with a fascinating book, found at a used book sale.
“Abraham Lincoln: Master of Words” was written by Daniel Kilham Dodge, professor of English, University of Illinois, ? 1924 by D. Appleton and Company, New York.
In the preface, Professor Dodge said he hoped his academic research would result in a new appreciation for the president said by some to be the most eloquent statesman in our nation’s history.
What caught Mrs. Waid’s attention, specifically, was Lincoln’s unabashed acknowledgment of God, especially in relation to the Thanksgiving holiday.
Although George Washington proclaimed a National Day of Thanksgiving in 1789, Lincoln is credited with the establishment of the tradition of the fourth Thursday in November beginning in 1863.
According to Dodge’s research, Lincoln also made it very clear (more than once) to Whom the thanksgiving should be directed:
“We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of Heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power as no other nation has ever grown; but we have forgotten God. … It behooves us, then, to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.
“It has seemed to me fit and proper that [these bounties] should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one voice by the whole American people. I do, therefore, invite my fellow citizens…to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens.”
Those who subscribe to the manufactured and misinterpreted principle of “separation of church and state” may well suffer some culture shock at such blatant reference to the divine.
Then again, too many wish to water down (or forget entirely) the story of the first Thanksgiving, which involved people who fled religious persecution in England.
Yes, for those to whom it is news, the motivation for those first settlers was freedom of worship, and it was the foundation for what would become one of the five freedoms guaranteed in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
The so-called “establishment clause” was intended to prevent an American “state church” such as the Church of England, not to eliminate any mention of God from the society. Were the latter true, Lincoln and many others through the years should have earned the same disdain as that shown to Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore for his defense of the historical basis of our system of justice.
Granted, the First Amendment (properly interpreted) does not force anyone to subscribe to a particular church, denomination or religious practice. It does not change history, however, and those who choose to ignore the historical roots of our nation and the Thanksgiving holiday are faced with a new quandary:
To whom will we give thanks on Thanksgiving Day?
The government? (Right.) Our lucky stars? Bill Gates? Dr. Phil? We surely have very little for which to thank the Detroit Lions this Thanksgiving…
We can, however, be grateful to God for people like Violet Waid and others who choose to remember from whence we came.

Random, arbitrary and otherwise miscellaneous ramblings from your friendly, neighborhood reporter…

As one of those “working” on the day after Thanksgiving, I’m enjoying watching the snow outside the office window but dreading the anticipation of going out in it…
This is not a whine about working the day after Thanksgiving, by the way. I know it’s a lot more pleasant here than it is among the mob of shoppers…
* * *
While generally of the “bah, humbug” conviction when it comes to the capitalistic holiday traditions of our culture, I find some aspects of the big shopping season to be entertaining.
While it is a grudging admission, it is an admission nonetheless — some of the retailers’ television ads are downright entertaining. My favorite so far features two geriatric “action figures” with the message, “New toys get old fast, so get the best price for them at…”
* * *
Watching the annual Thanksgiving Day parades is always a bowl of mixed fruit.
While it’s fun to see how the whole thing comes together (and a lot of credit should go to the wonderful, dedicated people who make it happen), it’s also frustrating in some respects.
For example, how can we make so much progress in video and sound for some of the big production numbers, yet be so bad in placing microphones to pick up the marching bands?
Further, I share Editor Kyle’s admiration for the businessmen’s brief case drill team, but it would have been nice if they could have enjoyed a few more seconds on-screen and without the commentator’s babbling.
And did anyone else think Karen Newman was lip-synching in her pre-parade performance?
* * *
Back to shopping. The wife wanted to make one early-bird stop before work the day after Thanksgiving (yes, she was at her desk Friday, as well).
The one-stop (at a retailer normally open 24 hours a day anyway), was not a big deal. We have been known to get in the 5 a.m. line outside certain retail stores in the past, but we’re both getting too old for that kind of combat.
* * *
I’ve been debating whether to write a column about the recent knee surgery, made necessary by an injury suffered while taking photos at a football game in my previous newspaper position.
(Some may remember the column several weeks ago explaining my visit to the “waffle iron” MRI machine — that led to the decision for surgery.)
It’s not that I mind talking about it (I’ve had to explain my limping to virtually everyone I meet, anyway), but there was more blood and gore to the recovery than is generally accepted in the pages of a family newspaper.
The jury is still out as to whether the surgery fixed the problem, but we’re praying for the best.
* * *
More selections from “The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Calendar:
“Kevin Francis can’t help being six-foot-seven. He was born that way” (broadcaster Peter Rhoads-Brown).
“Volunteer [and] get labor and family-friendly candidates elected this November. You will be reimbursed for each four hours volunteered” (AFL-CIO Iowa newsletter).
“Tech support: ‘Okay, now click your left mouse button.’ Customer, after a short silence: ‘But I only have one mouse’ (call to a computer tech support staffer).