This miscellanea brought to you by Mr. Cellanea
When you read a headline like that you know you’re in for some ‘profound? statements, some outstanding prose and some stuff from the manure spreader owner.
You can expect to read a 2010 Jottings that’s completely unrehearsed, unrepeatable, unnecessary and certainly not serious.
Keep that in mind as you try to follow my selection of potential sponsors for various television appearers. I’ve told you a few times that I watch a lot of television. Not necessarily good television, just tube fillers.
First, because he travels overseas so often I think Rosetta Stone, the language teacher, could pick up President Obama’s scripted readings from the right-and-left (not politically left and right, of course) teleprompters. I know our presidents are not supposed to accept advertising, but they aren’t supposed to rewrite the Constitution either.
Then I would suggest the tv show, CSI, get Protect My ID.Com as a sponsor, Tums could pick up the Detroit Lions, Slim Fast would be a good fit for Oprah and Preparation H for those in the political debating audience.
The Romanie Eye Center or Visine could be worked into programs that provide sporting events officials.
The Consumer Debt Advocate company should look into introducing Secretary of Treasury Timothy Geithner.
Of course Dr. Scholl’s foot products are a natural for Dancing With the Stars.
I’m recommending Fruit of the Loom as a sponsor for all the nearly naked performers (?). Actually, there are so many stripper related programs Victoria’s Secret, Jockey and Warner could get involved.
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I must have been out of the room when the tube told me I was going to get a cut in my Social Security benefits last month, but there was, a shortage.
I gotta? find a way to get on his ‘stimulus? money calendar. He must know that if he’d give money directly to the people they would spend it now, and help the economy, as opposed to what the banks did.
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One of the do-gooder programs has promoted using gift boxes made of debris left from forest fires. That’s an extreme environmental stretch for believability. Show me the debris left from a forest fire and I’ll show you some ashes.
Imagine the fun those fast talking, product pushing imaginers could have if they proved the ashes came from the burning of Rome.
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Quickies
? Electrolux is advertising a stove that ‘boils? water in 90 seconds. There is no mention if this is a spoon or washtub full.
? Three days after the terrorist threat at Detroit Metro Airport, Mr. Obama took to a microphone and said, ‘I will do everything I can to protect America!? Then he got back into his golf cart and reviewed his grip.
? If Rosetta Stone is such a great teacher of languages why don’t our schools buy them?
? Some quotes from my 1905 Sparamotor Co. handbook. Sparamotor made insect spray.
‘Ability and necessity dwell near each other.?
‘You can drive a pen, but a pencil must be lead.?
‘Intelligence is the mother of good luck.?
‘Nothing is denied to well directed labor. Nothing is obtained without it.?
‘A pie in the hand is worth two in the pantry.?
‘Always put off ’til tomorrow what does not concern you.?
‘Wits have short memories, dunces none.?