By Susan Bromley
Staff Writer
Ortonville-Since the death of her son, Mary Tombrella has felt like she is floating and is lost. But with the help of a local grief support group, she is beginning to heal and find her way again.
Tombrella and her husband Joseph have been attending the Ortonville Baptist Church Grief Care Group since September, after their 45-year-old son Joe died suddenly July 19 of endocarditis, an infection of the heart, caused by a staph infection.
Joe was an only child and besides his parents, also left behind a wife and 3-year-old daughter.
‘It was shocking and terrible,? said Tombrella. ‘The loss of a child, no matter their age, is not a normal thing. It’s been very difficult.?
Tombrella was looking for a support group close to her home in Clarkston when one of her physical therapists gave her the names of Mike and Beth Jordan, a couple from Brandon Township who lead the OBC grief care group. She found them to be kind and sympathetic and decided she would begin attending meetings. Her husband was reluctant, but went along, too.
‘We cried all evening long, but we kept coming back and talking to them,? said Tombrella, 70. ‘Everyone is supportive and it became addictive. I find a lot of strength in listening to other people talk about their loss and grief. If I need to talk I can call Beth or Mike and my husband started talking, too.?
The Jordans know the anguish felt after the death of a child. Their daughter Emily, 8, was killed when a wooden swingset collapsed on her in a 2002 Labor Day weekend accident.
Mike Jordan doesn’t remember much of the months that followed. He was numb for three or four months and said when that wore off, it became ‘really bad.? He was at a low point which lasted nine months and during which he recalls being very angry, particularly at God, and questioning his faith, while he said his wife focused her grief into her spiritual relationship with Christ.
The athletic supervisor for Brandon Schools and track and cross country coach recalled days where he could barely get their surviving daughter, Katie, 4, to school. He would come home and just lay in bed.
Katie was suffering, too.
Jordan said her grief revealed itself through anxiety? she was afraid to play and do things she used to do.
The first Christmas following Emily’s death, the Jordans attended a holiday grief support group in Battle Creek after finding nothing that would meet their needs close to their home in Brandon Township. They wanted a group that met more than once a month. They started grief counseling, which was followed by marriage, family and individual counseling before returning to grief counseling.
‘I don’t think you ever really recover from grief,? Jordan said. ‘I got to the point where I realized I wasn’t going to be fixed, I was broken. I started realizing it was OK to go on and our family was changed. It’s the beginning of a journey that leads to eternity in heaven? where there are no tears, pain, grieving or mourning.?
The Jordan family changed again in January 2004 with the birth of daughter Rene? Faith. Her first name is in honor of the older sister she sees only in photographs. It was Emily’s middle name and in French, means ‘reborn.?
‘She won’t replace Emily, but she helps fill the void,? Jordan said. ‘When we had her it was another change in the family. It helped us deal with the grief. She was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives.?
Last summer, the Jordans began praying about what they could do to help others with their grief. They met with Ortonville Baptist Church pastor Kevin Shorkey in September and two weeks later, the grief care group was begun.
‘We formed the group because we wanted people who were grieving to have a safe place to come to,? Jordan said. ‘A safe environment where they can grieve and mourn with others and be given comfort from people who understand. A lot of it is just being there to listen.?
During the meetings, the Jordans do not concentrate too much on what psychologists have called the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). Jordan said he doesn’t want members to believe they need to go through them in a certain order or time frame.
Instead, an hour is spent talking about a specific issue. Last month was ‘Grief and anger? and this month, it’s ‘Gender differences in grief.? The second hour is spent trying to help people through personal difficulties.
In February, the Jordans went to the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort Collins, Colorado. They received 30 hours of training in facilitating grief support groups. Jordan said they learned how to be more compassionate and that it is more important to be a companion for others in their grief than to try and fix them.
The Jordans plan to continue courses at the center and will eventually be certified in grief and death studies through Colorado State University.
‘We encourage people to embrace their grief and mourning, rather than move around it,? Jordan said. ‘Some people are afraid to confront it. Others find it is easier to just face it and you’ll move through it quicker.?
On May 2, the grief care support group will begin a six-month series based on the book ‘Understanding Your Grief? Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart? by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Registration is required for the series, but is free. They will continue to have the open-ended group at the same time.
Tombrella plans to attend.
‘We’re all struggling and will be struggling forever,? she said. ‘But I’m getting better and get a lot of strength from the group. Life does go on, just never to be the same. I would encourage people with the loss of a loved one to get into these support groups. I feel very close to these people, very warm. I thank God that they are there.?

Grief care group

When: 6:30-8:30 p.m. the first and third Monday of each month . nWhere: Ortonville Baptist Church, 173 Church St. Ortonville

What: Six-month series ‘Understanding Your Grief? begins May 2. Registration ends April 23.

Details:Contact Mike or Beth Jordan (248) 627-4012, the church at (248) 627-2513 or visit the church website at www.ortonvillebaptist.org.