‘Dear Don . . . Good GRIEF!?

In this modern age of high-tech electronic gizmos, I actually get feedback on my wonderful, literate and always grammatically correct columns. Before e-mail got big, I wrote in a vacuum — only to receive comments if somebody was REALLY mad. And, they must have been upset, because they would have to take the time to verbally assault me on paper, fold said paper and stuff it in an envelope, address the envelope and then spend money on a stamp to have it mailed to the office.
No more . . . lickety-split, folks get whizzed, they turn on their computer and let her rip.
I’ll share some of the relatively recent ones.
Dear Don,
I have to share with you the greatest Valentine’s Day present I have ever got. I came downstairs in the morning to find 2 beautiful birds & card. I sat with a cup of coffee and was thoroughly enjoying talking to the birds, when I noticed in the bottom of the cage you, with a strategically placed pile of poop on your face. Ahhhhh, the beauty of Valentine’s Day. Hope yours was as satisfying.
Unfortunately, I seem to have that effect on women.
Dear Don,
Good Grief! Words cannot express how tired I am of you ‘professional? writers making the dumbest of mistakes when you write! You actually get PAID to look so ignorant of the English language? When I read your silliness about ‘Gov. Jen? and the ‘morning dove? killers, it was like listening to fingernails on a blackboard. Please . . . if in doubt . . . look it up.
mourning dove n. A grayish-brown, swift-flying wild dove of North America, noted for its mournful call.
Doesn’t anyone read your copy before it gets published? Eesshh . . . (shaking my head)
Annoyed, yet still lovable, Joyce
Like I said, I have this effect on women. Joyce, you are not alone in your confoundedness when it comes to my being paid to write. You should have seen the look on my high school English teacher’s face when she found out I was pursuing a journalism degree. How should I describe it? How about:
Cost of a college education: $24,000.
The look on Mrs. Meyland’s face when I graduated: Priceless!
Oh, and before I forget — Joyce, stop giving my boss ideas about not paying me for mistakes. He may one day decide enough is enough — then me, Jen and the boys will be in the poorhouse. You wouldn’t want that on your conscience would you?
Mr. Rush,
I always read your writings with eagerness to discover your latest anecdotal take on life or current issues. I enjoy them largely because I mostly agree with you, except when it comes to Jennifer Granholm: I never believed or supported her. But, the real point of this communication is to tell you of an error that can be looked up. When you mentioned doves, it’s mourning doves, not morning doves. They are so named due to the soft, well, mourning coo that is associated with the birds. Just thought I’d let you know.
Sincerely, Hannah
Hmm, there’s a lot to do with our fine feathered frinds. Is my column going to the birds? Joyce, I told you, you weren’t alone!
I do get some nice letters, even if the niceness isn’t really meant for me . . .
Dear Don,
Hooray for Shamus — and, of course, mom and dad!!! I am sure his determined campaign will win the ‘Zoo War?!!! Great lad!
No, Don, you’ve got it wrong. If you are Irish, it is a sin not to be proud!! We are God’s chosen, and all others commit the sin of envy!! You know don’t you, that God created the drink to keep the Irish from conquering the world!!! Keep up all your good works!!
And once in a while, the guys write . . .
I really enjoy the paper . . .especially because it’s free!
I understand your comments, however I don’t know when to take you seriously. John Wayne used to be a hero of mine until I found out that he was a draft dodger during WWII. Some of my more ‘notorious? heroes are Ben Franklin, Teddy Roosevelt, Thomas Jefferson and Ronald Reagan. With that information and a dime, you can’t buy much!
Best of luck! John
John, I think most folks don’t know when to take me seriously . . . that’s just the mystique of me.
Thanks for reading every body, and thanks for writing. If anybody else wants to send their thoughts, be they naughty or nice, you can e-mail me at dontrushmedon@charter.net or go to our website and blog me (I said blog, not flog!)

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