Hey, I’m just like Oprah!

In 1986, the world’s population was around 4.932 billion. Twenty years later, it has ballooned. There are now between 6 billion and 6.6 billion of us bipedal humanoids traversing the earth. This, despite that fact that in 1986 the Soviet Union’s nuclear power plant in Cherynobl sprung a leak.
Twenty years.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. Then US President Ronald Reagan gave the okay for the Air Force to take out Libyan ‘terrorist? centers. Today US President George Bush 2 is giving the military the go to fight terrorist centers wherever they may be. We must have a thing against ‘terrorists.?
In 1986 the takeover of the world by Oprah Winfrey and her minions began — that was the year her show went nationwide.
And, this week 20 years ago I opined under the heading of Don’t Rush Me, for the first time. After 20 years, we’re both doing our thing. So, I guess that makes me just like Oprah.
Except that I’m a white guy and she’s not.
Except she’s on TV and I’m in print.
Except she has her own la-dee-da book club and I don’t.
Except that she’s worth millions and I’m not.
Except that she’s now the Supreme Overlord Of Everything and I’m still just Don Rush.
Twenty years ago I was thin and Oprah was not. Now Oprah is thin and I am not.
Okay, maybe we’re not alike.
In 1986, I asked readers to rename my column. It was called, Straight Shootin? by Don Rush, so you can see why I needed something new and snappy. It was 20 years ago this week Dave Masek won world-renown fame, glory and riches beyond belief for coming up with Don’t Rush Me.
Yep, I told folks Dave was the winner and gave him $19.95. Well, actually he taped a nickel to his entry and told me to ‘just send me a $20 bill.? Since then, this is the only other time I have mentioned his name. Twenty bucks and his name mentioned twice for naming a column that I have come to love. I think that was fair, don’t you?
I went into our morgue and dug out that column. Here are some of the suggested names:
n Just Rushing By
n Don’s View Scope (With a profile of Don looking through a pair of binoculars.)
n Don’s Scoops
n Don’s Curiosity Corner
n Don’s Focus on Facts
n Don’s Events and Facts
n Don’s Area Prime News
n Don’s Knowledge of Area Events
n Rush Around Town
n Rush’s Ramblings (Which sounds too much like Jim Sherman, Sr.’s Jim’s Jottings.)
n The Gravel Voice
n Don’s Corner
n Rushin? Spoken Here
n The Crack of Don (yuck, yuck)
n Not For Yuppies Only
n The One That Missed the Waste Basket (pretty good, too)
I did some quick math, and since I am not a mathmagcian, I figured I have written over 1,000 installments into the now hallowed halls of Don’t Rush Me-dom. You know, if I would have put $10 away every time I wrote a Don’t Rush Me I still wouldn’t be anywhere near the wealth of Oprah.
Let’s see, 52 weeks a year, minus two week’s vacation equals 50 weeks, times 20 years equals 1,000, times $10 equals $10,000. Yep, I was right, nowhere near Oprah numbers.
I’m not jealous or anything. Flying around the world in my very own private jet and meeting lots of interesting people just doesn’t sound fun to me.
Twenty years . . . you know what the number one song was in 1986? I’m gonna? tell you, ‘We are The World.? At least music hasn’t gotten any worse in two decades — or has it? I don’t listen to modern stuff. Oh, and by the way. If you don’t like my column, blame Dave. It’s all his fault!
Comments for the aged one, commonly referred to as Don Rush can be e-mailed to dontrushmedon@charter.net