Lakeville husband keeps vow to wife as they prepare to celebrate 50 years

“To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.”

When brides and grooms recite these traditional wedding vows, they’re doing more than saying some words that are part of a ritual, they’re making a solemn promise to each other that they will stick together no matter what life throws at them.

In a house on Lakeville Lake, Addison Township resident John Barczyk continues to honor that pledge to his wife Joyce as the two prepare to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary on Aug. 30.

Unfortunately, Joyce isn’t aware of this milestone because she’s in the late or advanced stage of Alzheimer’s disease. She was diagnosed with it in late 2011 and now requires “constant supervision,” according to John.

John is her primary caregiver. He sees to her every need around the clock with the exception of three hours a day when someone comes in to give him a break. He admits the situation can be quite overwhelming at times and “it’s tortuous to see her the way she is now.”

But, John doesn’t want to send her to live somewhere else until absolutely necessary because he honestly believes no one but him can provide the level of care and personal attention that his beloved Joyce needs and deserves.

“I want to do it as long as I can, but I realize that I can’t do it forever,” he said.

Besides, he feels it’s the least he can do for all of the good years and unwavering support she gave him before this dreadful disease began to take its toll.

“I owe it to her,” John said. “She took such good care of me all those years in so many ways. She is the sweetest, kindest, most generous person in the entire world”

The story of John and Joyce begins in Lorain, Ohio, where the couple attended the same elementary school.

John said he “fell in love” with Joyce “from the moment I saw her,” but the two didn’t begin dating until high school.

When John was a junior, he had a friend, who was a senior, that was taking Joyce, a sophomore, to the prom. This friend hired John to take their prom photos.

That motivated John to finally “make my move,” as he put it, and pursue Joyce – after prom was over, of course.

When asked why he didn’t act on his feelings for Joyce prior to that, John replied, “I was young, stupid, shy, all that kind of stuff.”

They dated all through college and shortly after John graduated, they were married in the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary Parish in Lorain on Aug. 30, 1969.

John and Joyce went on to build a happy life together. They pursued their respective careers, John as an advertising executive for 33 years and Joyce as a registered nurse for about 25 years. They backpacked through Europe and traveled to Alaska.

From their union, sprang four children – Kristen, Matt, Amanda and Jonathan. Later came four grandchildren – Milla, Arden, Matylda and Maya. The kids and grandkids now live in New York, Texas and Maine.

The Barczyks bought a summer house on Lakeville Lake in 1983. They didn’t become permanent residents of the community until December 2014.

Although it feels like a “faded memory” now, John said life with Joyce prior to her disease was wonderful.

He believes the reason their marriage worked was because even though they were “totally different” in terms of personality, they had similar tastes and “understood each other so well.”

“We rarely ever had a disagreement,” John said. “To be honest about it, it took a lot more tolerance on her part than mine. She was a saint in many ways. She even let me smoke cigars in the house for years.”

Joyce was “always supportive” of John’s endeavors.

“She always made the things I was doing seem important, whether they were or not,” he said.

He loved her “absolute sincerity,” her “positive nature” and her “caring, kindness and sensitivity to others” traits that really shined when she was working as a registered nurse.

“She cared deeply about every patient she ever had and everyone whose life she touched,” John said.

The two things that John found most attractive about Joyce were her infectious, beaming smile and her keen mind.

“Her smile could light up a room,” he said.

“I also respected how smart she was,” John continued. “She was extremely intelligent, particularly in areas that were medically-related.”

Given the cruel nature of this disease that robs people of their memories and identity, Joyce is no longer able to express her feelings for John or recall their life together, but he believes there’s still part of her, deep down, that remembers him.

“Every now and then, she’ll ask for me, so she does know me on some level, sometimes,” he said.

When John looks at her these days, he reminds himself that within this person, who sadly becomes more stranger than wife with each passing day, still dwells all of the people that Joyce once was – innocent little girl, enthusiastic teenager, blushing bride, devoted wife, loving mother and grandmother.

He takes great comfort knowing they’re all still inside her, somewhere.

If someone could wave a magic wand and give Joyce a moment of clarity during which she could remember who she is and who John is, he knows exactly what he would tell his wife.

“It would be the same thing I say to her every day – I love you,” he said.

Even though their 50th anniversary isn’t going to be some picture-perfect occasion that they can savor together, John still feels “very lucky” to have built such a wonderful life and shared so many good years with the woman he loves.

He now carries and cherishes those memories for both of them.

John is grateful for the way friends and neighbors around Lakeville Lake have stood by him and Joyce as her disease has progressed.

“They remained close and offered their help and support at every turn,” he said. “That is a big thing with Alzheimer’s. At some point, people often abandon their friends and family members as it starts to get very uncomfortable. It is just human nature, but we are so lucky to live among so many kind, generous and courageous people.”