The power of the press doesn’t compare

There was a time when the term, ‘power of the press? meant something. It meant, we in the media could sit in our ivory towers, pick presidents, national causes — live as the power brokers we always dreamt we would be, but couldn’t afford. Reporter types throughout the years have come into the world without silver spoons in their mouths, but rather with chips on their shoulders. What power we attain is by virtue of our profession and cherished.
That time has gone. Now, anybody with a computer and internet connection can become a famous muckraker. Yeah, I’m jealous because the power of the press has been knocked down a notch. Thanks, internet geeks, you have rained on my parade.
And, I have come to this conclusion kicking and screaming. I never thought it would happen. I did not want it to be so, alas, nothing lasts forever.
How do I know the internet has changed everything? It’s easy. A couple a weeks ago a reader from Independence Township, Dave C., wrote a letter to us (actually he e-mailed it to us and to our Michigan senators Levin and Stabenow).
Two weeks later, I got the letter forwarded to my e-mail account by a friend in Oxford Township and from my cousin Doris who lives down south somewhere. Thing is, Dave’s letter has spanned the globe and came back quicker than anything I have written over the past two decades.
Rats! (I told you I was jealous.) Oh, yeah . . . reporter types, long in the power seat, have grown very thin skined, too.
I can’t be mad (well I could) at Dave, cuz I liked what he wrote. I like it so much, I’m gonna repeat it here. When you read it, pass it on to all your friends and to your senators. After you’re done reading, you’ll also know why I am jealous and why I said, ‘Damn, why didn’t I write that.?
The following is Dave’s letter:
Dear Senator Levin and Stabenow,
As a native of Michigan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance.
I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill’s provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I’m excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of the last five years taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent return for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005 and I estimate a gross savings of approximating $72,000.
After the fine, this would yield me a net savings of $70,000. In addition, I would reap the other benefits of being an illegal alien such as free health care, avoiding paying Social Security taxes, buying automobile insurance, serving on jury panels, etc.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively, if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent . . . blah, blah, blah.
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I am now only waiting for the right honorable senators to respond.
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