What’s ‘standard? about Standard Time?

Okay, call me kooky, but, now that we have ‘fallen? back, what does that mean? Where have we fallen from? From what perch on high did we descend?
Are we in Daylight Saving Time now, or was that before? How do you save time? Do you put it in a hour glass and shove it in a dark corner of the basement so it doesn’t tarnish with, well, umm, time? What does saved time look like? Is it sandy?
Oh . . . and if we are done ‘saving? time for now, where are we keeping all those extra increments from then to now?
I need to know this because I want to cash in my saved time so I can invest it as I see fit. The way I figure it, if I roll it into some time-managed investment plan, by the time I’m 90, I could have a decade or two left to use or give to my family. Of course, if I let the government keep it, I’ll never see any of my saved time. Which, I suppose, is as good of a good reason as any on why we need to change Social Security — but that’s a different column.
I know I am sounding incredibly, umm, stupid, but are we now in Standard Time, or was that before? What is ‘standard? about this ‘Standard Time? anyway? My sense of the word, the meaning of standard is this: The rule; the measurement to which all others are compared to; what is normal or regular. I am not sure, but I bet the definition of ‘standard? in Webster’s Dictionary has to be close to mine. (Then again, I am the one confused by Daylight Saving Time versus Standard Time — so, maybe I am really, umm, stupid.) That said . . .
How the Sam Hill can time be ‘standard? (read — regular) when we change it twice a year? It is not standard if time is one thing at 2 a.m. on the first Sunday in April and another thing at 2 a.m. on the last Sunday in October. It is not standard. It is different, dang it!
Oh, and don’t forget, besides all that falling back and springing forward we’ve been forced to do these many years, changes next year. Nope, we’re not doing away with the madness that is Daylight Saving Time. Oh, no, that would be too intelligent. Dear old President George W. Bush signed the Energy Policy Act of 2005 in, well 2005, of course.
What that bill does is: Instead of springing forward an hour at 2 a.m. on the first Sunday of April, we’ll do it on the second Sunday in March. Instead of falling back on the last Sunday of October, we will turn back our clocks at 2 a.m. on the first Sunday in November. Why were those new dates picked? Who’s in charge of setting these dates? I want to know and then I want him fired.
I don’t care about Haliburton, Iraq or the economy. As far as I am concerned, by not vetoing that bit of legislative malarkey, President Bush should be impeached. Off with his Bourgeois head. Be gone. Bye, bye.
Riddle me this, Batman: Is life better or worse in Arizona, Hawaii and the parts of Indiana where they don’t do the time shuffle? Do they have more accidents or crime in those places versus the rest of the country?
Hey, wait a cotton pickin? minute! I just thought of something — how did they get out of this time bending racket and not us? It just ain’t fair citizens in those areas don’t go through this whole mess of gaining or losing an hour, while we do. After all, we are all Americans, aren’t we? We’re all pink on the inside, and when we’re cut, don’t we all bleed red? If we are all the same, equal in all regards, then why not in time management?
The gubernatorial election is right around the corner, and bygummie, I really don’t know who to vote for. I don’t want to vote for Democrat Jennie Granholm, because she ain’t done squat, besides leaving the state in ruins during her four years. I don’t want to vote for Republican Dick DeVos, because he looks like Agent 86 — Maxwell Smart — would you believe, Don Adams? But, if I found either one had on his or her platform, ‘Make Michigan A One Time All The Time State? I’d vote for that candidate. Heck, I’d vote for Lynden LaRouche if he’d promise to get Michigan off the Daylight Saving Time merry-go-round.
I don’t know about you, but I think it’s about time we took our time back from the government. Write your congressman or woman and tell them to stop it. Stop the madness that is Daylight Saving Time, now!
E-mail Don your thoughts on time travel, dontrushmedon@charter.net

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