When gardening just isn’t enough — do it naked

By Don Rush
By Don Rush

I admit I am, at times, overly zealous in my enthusiasms. And, sometimes, even in public speaking roles, I can get on a roll where what comes out of my mouth is as much a surprise to my ears as to all those other hearing ears not attached to my head.
Sometimes I just get too excited. I want to share. I want to get in and just do it . . . and that’s when my troubles usually begin.
At our small business networking group, ClarkstonCoffeeClub.com, last Thursday morning the meeting ended with the usual stuff of note which are upcoming.
Someone said, “It’s Cinco De Mayo Friday.”
Which lead to me adding, “You may not know this, but Saturday is World Naked Gardening Day. Hoeing and tilling and seed planting encouraged.”

* * *

A dawn of a new day in gardening is upon us?
A dawn of a new day in gardening is upon us?

When I went to Facebook later in the day, I got a message that said, “Don, I thought you were kidding.” And a link to another writer’s story. I hate it when folks don’t believe me or think I am kidding. I think I need to joke less, be more serious. You?

* * *

I’ve tried to build up World Naked Gardening Day (WNGD) ever since that fateful day two years ago when my ol’ buddy, ol’ pal Lake Orion Police Chief Jerry Narsh brought it to my attention.
It sounded like an interesting idea. I went back and searched the archives in the hallowed halls of Don’tRushMedom and confirmed two years ago for WNGD the weather in these parts was perfect.

No, she was not in my garden.
No, she was not in my garden.

Wrote I, “World Naked Gardening Day — this past Saturday — was an awesome day for getting out in the yard to weed, turn over the compost pile and just get dirt under your finger nails. Blue sky, white fluffy clouds.
“Saturday was warm, sunny and breezy. The bumble bees were bumbling; the gnats where gnatting and there were not too many mosquitos.
“I don’t normally describe anything this way, but it was damned near perfect. I love this time of year for all those reasons I mentioned and you better believe I was out and rooting around in the dirt. (If you were to look at my finger nails now, you see some of the garden soil is still with me, even as I type.)”
This year’s weather was anything but the perfect day to get out and be one under the sun with nature au naturale. Alas, it wasn’t to be. It was too chilly.
Which explains why my neighbors up down the street were out Thursday and Friday dancing around fires, waving their arms and chanting up to the sky. Their foul weather dance was successful in keeping the bad moon from rising up from myside of the yard.

* * *

Maybe they thought I was really, seriously gonna do “it” this past Saturday. In truth, I don’t think gardening in the nude is such a great idea.
Aside from the aesthetics of a pasty white dude glowing in the sunlight, gardening requires the use of a lot of sharp tools like shovels, saws, shears, clippers, nippers, cloppers and other things that just thinking about shivers me timbers.
Besides, with all that bending over the chances of me getting a skeeter bite or a sun burn were the sun and skeeters ain’t ‘spose to be or shine is about 100 percent.
This is in sharp contrast to what the WNGD folks say about gardening in your birthday suit. I went to that bastion of truthiness, Wikipedia and found this:
“According to organizers, ‘besides being liberating, nude gardening is second only to swimming as an activity that people are most ready to consider doing nude.’”
Interesting, I always considered the Number One thing to do in the nude, is bathing, followed by other things.
Also, organizers cited the “fringe benefits” of “bare, unabashed recreation” as “the attractiveness of an all-over tan” and “more vitamin D on your whole body.” I have one word for them, “Melanoma.”
I am also sure these are the same folks who support and push World Naked Bike Riding Day. Yeee-ouch, that does not sound comfortable.

* * *

So, I was gonna buy one of those “selfie” stick to attach to my cellphone/camera which let’s you hold your camera away from you to take a picture. I planned on setting up a fake shot of me nakedly gardening — standing behind a fence with my shirt off, holding a hoe — and then post it on Facebook. But, dangnabit! The weather foiled my evil course of action.
Maybe next year, if you’re lucky, I can make it happen! (That would be the fake news photo shoot. Nothging else.)
Comments for Don should be sent via e-mail to: DontRushDon@gmail.com

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