Ya gotta? hand it to the man . . .

Let me preface this bit of columnistic excellence with: I get lots of e-mail. I like it. E-mail is fun, it is convenient and it helps my fast-becoming-smooth bit of gray matter come up with ideas to flesh out.
I get jokes. I get lists. I get greetings and salutations from family and friends near and far. Some contain viruses, some kudos. Heck, I get e-mails that say, in a word — Rush, you suck! (Okay, sue me, that was three words).
But I have never gotten an e-mail like the one I did this past weekend. The subject line caught my rather large ego’s eye.
‘Admire your work Don — Story tip (humor me, it’s worth it).?
I’ll show you the e-mail and then offer timely, insightful and heartfelt commentary afterwards.
* * *
I’m a writer who, in a desperate attempt to put myself through graduate school while supporting my family, has come up with a unique scheme (which I hope you’ll want to write about):
I’m auctioning off my future income as a writer to the highest bidder; I have created a website full of my writing samples and a link to the auction: www.mywritingfund.com. On the website you will also find more about my story and sense the passion I bring to my craft.
You are an excellent columnist who infuses your work with humor, and I hope my story intrigues and tickles you such that you will consider it for a future column, for I obviously need a bit of publicity in order to get the word out . . .
If this interests you, I look forward to hearing from you. Hell, drop me a line anyway and tell me that I’m crazy.
Best, David Harris-Gershon
I replied back to David Harris-Gershon something profound like, ‘Thanks for blowing wind up my skirt, but, what??
He replied to my reply with something to the effect, ‘Yes I am selling my soul — or at least 20 percent of my future income, directly generated from the publication ? blah, blah, blah.?
(You can read about it on E-Bay.)
I went to the E-Bay site, and surer than strange things happen to me, David Harris-Gershon is selling his future. There’s a picture of him and of one of his children. He looks to be almost 30. His kid looks almost one. He and his wife are expecting number two.
His starting bid is (loosen the purse strings and take a sip of whatever is in front of you): $100,000.
Okay all you money bags out there, don’t knock each other down trying to throw your hard-earned money David Harris-Gershon’s way all at once. And, if you’re in a giving mood, how’s about throwing some jingle my way. I guarantee to put it to good use — and when I publish a book, I will put your name on the ‘thank you? page.
You gotta? hand it to the man, he’s got some brass behind him. I never would have thought of asking for a hundred large ones banked against my unseen future.
But, I guess I’m not a risk taker myself — so why would anybody gamble on me? (For that answer, dear reader, you must ask Dear Wife Jen.) I’m getting off subject. This column is not about me, it’s about David Harris-Gershon’s quest to earn one hundred thousand green backs the easy way.
Before you bankroll David Harris-Gershon’s life, you probably would like to know he does have a degree in English and is currently teaching in the suburbs of Washington, DC (which most likely means in Maryland where the average wage for teachers is $50,303 a year). In his words, ? I have come to writing later in life; I didn’t write seriously in college, or while hitchhiking around the country single and free, living from shoe string to shoe string. I’ve never had the opportunity to breathe and write free from the day job/night shift shuffle. And so, I seek the time and framework that graduate school affords: the time, in a community of writers, to develop my voice and deepen my craft.?
David Harris-Gershon (why does he have a hypenated name? And, does that make me Donald Patrick-Rush or Donald Rush-Cottrell or Donald Cottrell-Rush?) believes if he can get his Masters degree in writing, he can be the literary giant of his dreams. Who am I to deny a man his dreams?
I can offer this bit of advice: stop worrying about your masters, selling your soul and concentrate on writing. Spend one hour a day writing, one hour reading and another researching. Then write some more.
Let me know how it goes and good luck.
Comments for Donald Patrick-Rush — aka party-pooper — can be e-mailed to: dontrushmedon@charter.net.

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